Monday, December 27, 2010

yoga breathing app. yep, they have that

so i've been trolling around the internet at different yoga blogs since i've decided that i want to start my yoga teacher training next year.  some blogs are good, some crap.  a couple of the good ones are yogadork.com and spoiledyogi.blogspot.com .  (spoiledyogi has described my DREAM yoga studio)  i wasn't really looking for anything in particular, just surfing.

but then i saw it.

a pranayama app for the iPhone.  now, i don't have an iPhone,  because at&t sucks.  but i do have an android.  so i marched over to my phone and downloaded it from the android market.  i've used it a couple of times, and i have to say, it's a pretty good app!  of course hubby and princess had a good laugh at my expense, but there's nothing new in that   :)

i like to think of myself as a technophile (while hubby reminds me that somehow i've killed every computer i've ever had, i think it's my electromagnetic field or something), so i'm pretty sure that this app will stay on my phone for a very very long time.  unlike the minesweeper app.  that was just stupid.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

new year, new me*

Dec 21st was yule.  and while i'm a bad pagan and didn't do any type of celebration other than moving my wheel of the year over a space, have made my new years resolutions.  so here goes:

365 days of yoga.  i've done great so far.  i've done two or three sessions each day.  and i'm really noticing a difference.  i can get my hand almost all the way on the floor in triangle pose, and if you've never tried that before...  it's tough.

no HFCS or 'corn sugar' as the corn refiners association wants you to call it.  the stuff is grossly nasty.  it gets you totally addicted.  i've been without soda for two weeks, and let me tell you, that first week i would have kicked my own mother in the shins for a diet pepsi.  so don't tell me that it's not a disgusting drug.

self sufficient garden.  and let me tell you, it's gonna be a big 'en.  i've started planing already.

get the Apocalypse room ready.  that's what hubby and i have been calling our emergency pantry that were getting set up in the basement,  OK, so i'm the only one calling it that, shoosh.

rain barrels.  i don't know why i want them, i just really really do.

see, not an unattainable list.

*and when i say new year new me, i don't really mean it the way most people do.  i'm not going to change myself completely.  cause lets face it, i'm awesome just like i am.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

one year ends, a new one begins

well, 2010 is quickly coming to a close.  and what a crazy year it's been.  but rather than dwell on all the things that happened in the past, i'd rather look to the future.  what's the next year going to bring for me?  for hubs?  princess?  bubs?

while i can't answer what will happen for other people, i can at least speculate for myself.  yes, it's a little too early to start with the new years resolutions, but indulge me.

in 2011 i will.....

begin the chickenmommas podcast with my friend andi.
never drink another soda
cut out all hfcs
begin my yoga teacher certification

and that's all i'm going to focus on.  no "i'm going to loose x amount of pounds".  no "travel the world".  i figure that if those things are meant to happen, they'll happen anyway.  so i might as well focus on those 4 things.  keep it simple. 

i'm not saying that those 4 things are ALL i'm going to do.  those are just the only ones that i'm setting as a goal for now.  but remember, everything is fluid.  if were not flexible, we break.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

homestead, or fortress?

urban homesteading is kind of a big deal with me. i love the idea of being totally self dufficent. i like the idea that if, say the power went out, my family and i would be able to survive, even for an extended period of time. i mean, winters can be kind of harsh in nebraska. if the snow strands us in for a day or two, even a week, i want to be able to survive with as little real disruption as possible.

so the back yard will be turned into a homestead farm. if everything goes to plan, we will have enough fresh food to last into fall, and enough canned and frozen to get us to spring. the basement storage room is being cleaned out and turned into a pantry and supply room. canned goods, batteries, tools, even camping equiptment will be stored there. and yes, guns.

beczuse as the hubs and i are figuring out (and honestly, we must not have been paying attention before now) there is a fine line between homestead and fortress. (admittedly, the first time i voiced that it was "between survivalist and redneck" but i digress). because what would happen, and this is a worst case sinerio, there is a big enough snow storm that the power is knocked out, delivery trucks cant make it, and civilization as we know it is disrupted? im going to find a deer, and make sure that my family can eat.

(notice how im specificly NOT mentioning that historicaly, what happens when people that arent prepared realize that they cant get to any food? you know, the looting, the burglaries, looting. fun stuff)

and dont even get me started on my plan for the zombie apocolipse.

Friday, December 3, 2010

things my father taught me

fathers these days get a pretty bum wrap. you always hear about deadbeat dads, baby daddys, or any other flock of useless fathers. but you never hear about dads that really rock, and my dad DOES rock. so for this blog, im going to tell you all the pretty awesome things that my father has passed on to me. (remember, for the bulk of his career, dad was a deputy sheriff, so a lot of this is in that vein)

how to curse like a sailor in two different languages. english, and french. the french didnt stick, but the english did.

never, ever start a fight. but always finish it. finishing can be anything from walking away to beating the holy hell out of the other person. depends on the situation.

it is easier to beg forgivness than ask permission. and believe me, i tested the limits of this one.

never buy a pair of shoes that you cant run down a potential purse snatcher/attacker. now you know why i wore combat boots to the prom.

always watch animals, they know more than we do. its true, watch birds about an hour before a storm. they wont fly very high.

pay attention to your surroundings. know where the exits are at all times. and the bathrooms.

laugh. laugh hard and often. find humor in every situation. even if you really have to search to find it.

if you really love someone, fight to keep that love going. never ever let your partner think you dont care.

when you fire a gun, the dangerious end isnt the one that the bullet comes out of. the danger comes from the person holding the gun.

if youre bored, youre not trying hard enough to entertain yourself.

when you need help, ask for it. it doesnt mean youre weak, it means youre strong enough to know you need help.

see, my dad is a pretty awesome guy.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

gawds i hate christmas music!

well, i do. im tired of hearing it from oct. 1st to jan. 1st. i sick to death of being told to have myself a merry little xmas. the next person to play it around me wll get a holly jolly boot in the pie-hole.

i still remember when i was a child, they would play carrols on a radio station all the time starting december 23rd. not EVERY station starting thanksgiving day. when did that change and why?

ive never been big into christmas. never. not even as a kid. ask my mom. by the time i could read "stocking stuffers" on the isle at target, the illusion was shot, you know? and despite my mother's insistance (and my husbands for that matter) that having the baby would change that... nope. still hate it.

admitedly, hate is a strong word. dislike. yeah, we'll go with dislike. i dislike the crass comertialism. i dislike the very obvious hipocracy. i dislike everybody comming at me from every direction telling me how much money they need me to give them. im all for charity, but guys, not all at once, ok?

but i have been cursed people. cursed. i love a man that loves christmas. loves it. every year a weekend is set asside to put up the tree and decorate the house. "national lampoons christmas vacation" plays in the dvd player over and over for at least a day. and lately ive been hearing brian setzers christmas album playing in the house. (its the only christmas album we can agree on)

so i suck it up. i listen to the music in the stores, brave the crowds, even pay out for the commertialism. all the while only slightly planing out murder senerios in my head. because theres always an upside to any holliday...

the cooking and baking.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

my little moment of 'squee'

i finally did it. after years of coveting back issues at my local library, i have finally subscribed to Mother Earth News. i'll have copies of my very own to love and pet and call them George. (and if you dont get that refrence read Of Mice And Men. now. seriously, put down the mouse and go to the bookstore)

i have wanted to subscribe for years, but for one reason or another (finances, mocking by exhusband, you know the usual) i never did it. ive always scooped them up when i found them at the library, but never fully committed. but now there mine mine mine.

and,yes, im getting very squee over a magazine subscription. i know this. but if you think thats bad, you should have been here when i got new laundry baskets!

Sunday, November 21, 2010

gimme a C! gimme a R! gimme a A,Z,Y!

im going to preface this with a little background info for those that dont know it already. i work at my local 911. i hear the best and absolute worst that society can dish up. it takes a certian kind of detatchment to be able to do this for any legnth of time. ive been doing it for 9 years now. so this post is a bit... personal, without being specific.

there is a HUGE problem in society today. and it gets worse and worse every day.

people are expectted to behave within socially acceptable boundries called 'normal'. and there expected to do it every day. as a society we put on our cookie cutter suits, go to our cookie cutter jobs, come home to our cookie cutter houses and families. we are taught to never stand out. never be different. and its killing us. i take calls every day from teens acting out, family screaming matches, wives looking for husbands that dissappeared with the contents of the bank account. all because we have shackled ourselves, created a prison that we cant seem to shake.

when was the last time you were happy?
the last time you just let go and went crazy?
think the two might be related?

the little boxes we have forced ourselves into are killing us. rotting us from the inside out. and its all because we dont let ourselves just... be. i hear countless times a day, both in work amd out, from people that they would "lov to do x" but their wife/husband/boss/neighbors/insert authority figure here "just wouldnt understand"

when did we make other people the authority over us? when did it become ok to give away that much power?

in our house, going crazy is a pretty routine thing. we encourage it. we feed it. because we understand that going crazy is nessiassairy and, dare i say it, healthy.

on any given day in our house you will see a room covered in star wars toys, 2 complete ghostbusters costumes, mideval bannars, a minni quidditch pitch, flying broom, star wars costumes, pirate costumes, ill run out of room if i try to list everything. hubby wants to play paintball? go for it. world war 2 reenactment? enjoy. i decide to drop everything and spray paint the front door bright green and put on a door knocker of thor? good on ya.

hubby and i, both working at the same place, understand the importance of going crazy. i LOVE when hubby goes crazy. because i know he wont be draining our bank account for a weekend in vegas without telling me. and he knows the same about me. all because we give each other the freedom to go a little insane every once in a while. so please people, for the good of the world, go...

crazy.

Friday, November 19, 2010

ahh flu, how i didnt miss you even a little

so yeah, its been a couple days. ive been away from the computer. mainly because ive been upchucking. yes, thats right the flu has hit the vnh household.

first it was bubby. poor boy, hed never thrown up before. he didnt know what was going on. he was so scared. a call to the doctor and a jug of pedialyte later and hes just fine, though a bit more cuddlly than usual. im ok with that though.

then... me. it started at 3am, and got steadly worse untill i came face to face with the tacos i had for dinner the night before. yum. not so much. but im on the mend, and even back to work. though im still convinced id make a better thhm than i do a work out of the house mom. but thats for another time...

and just as i am getting better, i get a call from the princess other nana saying that she had to be picked up from school because she threw up before lunch. my poor baby. i knew shed had a bad cold, shed been coughing for a week. her bio mom has been sending her to us with a slew of otc meds. but i was hoping that this flu would pass her by. * she should be in the pink in a day or so.

but now that everything is (for the most part) back to normal, the blogs should be rolling out again.

of course now that ive said that ill probably get typhoid or something.


* this was going to be a huge rant about how over the counter meds dont really HEAL you, they just make you FEEL better. but i decided it wasnt worth the fight that might ensue. im still weak from the flu.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

it's done! it's done!

my counter tops are done! oh thank the gods! there finished!!!!! aaaaaaaaand i've got almost everything put back where it goes. and it's already a mess again!! yes, i'm excited! can't you tell by the exclamation marks???!!!?!??!??!!


here's the corner with the altar. 
aren't they preeeeeeety? 

all nice and shiny!

and aren't these curtains snazzy?


would i do it again?  yes.  totally worth it.  give it a try.  you won't be disappointed. 

and send me pics!  i want to see what you can do!

Friday, November 12, 2010

big neon flashing disclaimer

there will be people who wont want to read this. especially members of my immediate family who, knowing that this is an openion, will still state that its invalid. my only advice to you is... dont read it. then you cant get upset.

my day started out fairly usual. 5:20 alarm, 5:21 baby cring to be fed. but here's where it went wonkey. 5:30 a text message from my mother telling me that she's at the hospital with her mother, who is apparently hallucinating.

after making sure my mother was emotionally ok (as much as she could be) i showered and went about my day. up to now, there have been perodic calls to mom's cell phone to make sure shes still holding up.

and to be absolutly honest, thats all i care about. that mom is ok. about HER mother, it has to be said... i just dont care. you know the song from chorus line "i felt nothing"? thats me. it sounds crass, and cold, and... evil. but i dont. i just dont have it in me to care about a person who so obviously doesnt care about me.

for a multitude of reasons, that im not going to go into here (you really want to know, shoot me an email), the woman has never approved of me. not that she doesnt like me. she does not approve of my existance on this earthly plane. think im painting her too harshly? read on.

when we discovered that i am allergic to dates (which are just the most delish fruit EVAR and its totally unfair that theyll kill me(seriously theyll kill me)) everything in the thanksgiving meal was cooked with dates. everything. from cranberry sauce to dessert. even the salad had dates.

so weve always been on... eggshell like terms. at best.

but my mother and father raised me well, and raised me to be the bigger person. christmas cards were still sent. as well as thank you cards when it was approperate. but a couple of years ago i noticed something.

it was christmas, the in town family all together by the tree. gifts a plenty. and as they were passed out, a pattern emerged. gifts to and from nana and papa. gifts to and from me, hubby, and our daughter. gifts to her. wait. what?

apparently the day before shed screamed at my mother that the gifts that id been buying for her all these holidays were actually purchased by my mother, and that i was an ungreatfull curr. yes, curr. she also calls couches davenportts, but thats neither here nor there. she even had gifts under the tree to my sister and her family in south dakota. you know, to put a little salt on the wound.

its one thing to snub me. not my kids.

so my capacity for caring for this woman is just exhausted. i cant do it. and after all this time, i dont think i want to. but like i said, my parents raised me to be the bigger person. last week i took bubby up to see her. let her see what wonderful things shes missed in my life.


maybe im not so big after all.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

there isnt enough coffee in the world

*please forgive all spelling errors, im typing this on my kindle, and there is no spellcheck*

my kitchen is still in disarray. nothing is where it should be. the blender is on the floor, the microwave is sitting in front of the oven, the coffee maker on the stovetop. my altar people... in the panrty. my sacred space, my CENTER is jumbled and..... its just a big ole mess.

i mean, i knew that i wouldnt be able to use the countertops for three days. i mean, its written on the box. but knowing something, and having the reality slap you in the face are a bit different. 3 days of nothing on the counters. 3 days of no food prep that requires more than opening the fridge.

which means no real cooking. hells, no nukeing for that matter. no kitchen witchery. no whipping up a batch of witches brew, no steaming pots full of onion soup (onion for protection), no yummy smells coming froom the oven as i take out a batch of gingerbread bats. (yes, bats. one year for yule it was the only cookie cutter i had, now its a tradition.)

and thats bothering me a lot. that im not able to do my "witchery" at a moments notice. cooking and baking is such a huge aprt of who i am, of what i am. 3 days is a huge amount of time to be without that.

will it be worth it when the counter tops are done? i hope so. i know that it will be better when the countertops are done AND everything is back where it goes. when my "circle" is complete again.

Monday, November 8, 2010

when you care enough to spend the very least

i'm a cheapskate.  i scour thrift stores.  ebay is a resource beyond measure.  craigslist is a gods send.  so when it was oh so well past the time to replace the counter tops in the kitchen, i freaked. 

the beginning estimates were at HUNDREDS of dollars.  and that was just for cheap laminate.  granite?  in the thousands.  concrete.....  i didn't even ask.  so i sucked it up.  i told myself that the counters weren't that bad, that they would last.  after all, they weren't falling apart, the were just stained and nasty.  so when hubby and i were walking through the home improvement mega box store, we happened upon this little can of stuff called "counter paint".  *insert angelic choir here* 

at twenty bucks, it was a vast improvement over replacing the counters all together.  so i figured why not.  if it works, great, if it doesn't i'm only out a twenty.  so we brought it home, and this morning, i tried it out. 

IT WORKS!!!  oh my gods it works! the color isn't exactly what i wanted (i was hoping for darker than it turned out), but it's a HELL of a lot cheaper!  hurray for diy!!!  

here are some before and after shots:

wide before shot

nasty stain 1

nasty stain 2

wide after shot

where nasty stain 1 used to be


 it needs another coat, and like i said, i wish it was darker, but to be honest, i love my counters more now than i did this morning. 

cheapskates FTW!!!!

Thursday, November 4, 2010

i feel like a human twinkie

yes, i gave myself permission to never step on the scale again.  it was a bold move.  one that has changed the world.  um, yeah, not really.  nobody outside of my little corner of the world (and yes, that does include you) gave a flying rats right butt cheek.  and i'm ok with that, really.

and not stepping on the scale is freedom.  scary, horrible, terrifying freedom.  if i didn't have to weigh myself, there were no consequences.  no consequences, then there is no reason not to have this cupcake.  and that one.  if there's nothing keeping me in check, i have no real reason to get on the treadmill.  for a month.  and so on, and so on.

and after a while, i started to notice that i wasn't feeling good.  i started to feel like a human twinkie, stuffed with goo.  ever felt like that?  gross, huh?

i'd lost sight of why i started this experiment in the first place.  to be happy with who i am.  and i'm not happy feeling like i'm filled with artificially sweetened marshmallow fluff.  i don't think i know anybody who would be.  it's ooky.

so while i'm still not crazy about the scale, i'm going to keep better tabs on what goes into my body.  not only what's in the food i'm eating, but how much of it i eat.  and i'm getting back on the treadmill.  i know i am more serious about my exercise if there's something i'm training FOR, so i'll be looking for a race here soon.  (i'd like to do the warrior dash, but i don't think there's one close enough for me).

i'm working on loving my body.  but i have to show it some love too.

Sunday, October 31, 2010

well, i made it

31 days of blog posts.  not all of them gold, but not all of them crap either.  and i do have to say i had fun.  some days it was a stretch to come up with something every day.  a huge stretch. (hey look, a bunny anyone?)  but some days it was quite cathartic, just to put down in print what i was thinking. 

so while i can't say that it'll happen every day, i will make an effort to blog more often. 

i had fun.  i hope you did too. 

Saturday, October 30, 2010

gearing up for halloween

the outside is decorated, a little.  last year we had little monsters that decided to kick over one of my gnomes.  poor stinkey.  he may never be the same.  but we've got our pumpkin light, a couple of actul pumpkins, and of course my "the witch is in/out" sign on the door. 

i've got witches brew in the new cauldron (ie, the crock pot), one samhain pumpkin shaped cake cooling, and about to start on the second one.  after fish n chips dinner of course.  no need to rush.

i have to work tomorrow, but it's a sunday, so i can wear "regular" clothes.  which tomorrow will include my witches hat.  and maybe my flying broom, haven't decided yet.

i still have to pick up some fire wood.  i wanted a new chimmea, but i'll make due with my rusty fire pit.  this will probably be the LAST time it's used.  i'm pretty sure that it's going to fall apart soon.  i may try to write a real ritual.  but i might not.  like ive said before i'm not big in the stiff ritual, i'm more 'free form'.  of course i may write one then not use it.  we'll see what happens.

Friday, October 29, 2010

votive candle to container candle in three easy curse words

looks pretty, doesn't it?  totally not what i was going for.

a while back one of my friends (the one that taught me to make incense) was having a garage sale, and a bunch of his wife's candle making stuff was on the block.  so i picked up a really really spiffy silicone votive mold, and a bunch of soy wax on the cheap.  and there it sat for months.  collecting dust. 

just lately i finally got around to buying votive wicks at my local hobby lobby, and only procrastinated for another week before i got around to making the damn candles.  but make them i did.  i melted the wax, prepped the molds, poured the wax and patiently waited for the wax to harden.  even let it sit overnight. 

the next day i rushed downstairs as if it were christmas, popped the first candle out of it's mold and lit it.  20 minutes later...  this:

a puddle of wax.

apparently soy wax is about 90% of the time, container wax only.  and while the packages i bought didn't SAY they were container wax, rule of thumb is if it doesn't specify, it's container wax.  so i was a little pissed.  i mean common, what the hell am i going to do with votive that burn out in 20 minutes.  (hmmm, actually, they might work well for spells, but then you'd have the puddle of wax to deal with)  but then i remembered my college art classes.  if something happens with your piece you didn't intend...  work it into the piece.

soooo, i spied the dozens of baby food jars that we now have taking up space.  bingo!  i popped a votive in each jar, poured more wax around it...  instant container candle. 

pretty awesome, huh?




Thursday, October 28, 2010

we have a new living room

no, we didn't redecorate.  we just have a whole new living room. 

once upon a time, before nappies and bottles were all the rage in our house, hubby had a dream.  he dreamt of a man cave.  a place where he could go and be a man.  not that he couldn't be a man in the rest of the rooms of the house, but this would be a room specifically for his manhood (i'm a lucky girl).  it would house the majority of his star wars collection, his pirate stuff, and i assume a place for farting and scratching himself.  there is a bar, fridge, fireplace....  as far as man caves go, it's pretty swanky.

and then it evolved. 

first was the couch.  we inherited a new (to us) couch when hubby's dad bought a new one.  so the old couch had to go some where.  man cave.  then when bubby became mobile and we re arranged the living room* we had to put the coffee table somewhere.  man cave.  new tv?  man cave.

so all in all it was a pretty comfy man cave. apparently hubby and bubby spend time down there while i'm at work.   i was even allowed to go inside.  i'm special like that.  and for the past few weekends, we've been spending family time down there.  usually watching hubby play video games and chasing bubby around.  

then yesterday....  we bought a second baby cage (playpen, but common, what is it REALLY?) so the man cave is officially the new living room.  and that's where we are right now.  hubby playing force unleashed 2, bubby in the baby cage happily chewing on a yoda, and me on the couch, feet propped up on the coffee table, cruising the net. 

just one big happy.



*i say we.  hubby just came home one day and found that all the furniture was moved around. 

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

pumpkin light instructable

So todays blog is all about the instructable.  i'm going to show you how to make a jack o lantern light for above the front door.  see:




first, you need a pumpkin trick or treat bowl.  i got this one from wally for 97 cents

with your favorite knife (i used a steak knife), cut a few cross sections into the bottom of the bowl, like so:


when the cross sections are cut, then cut around the bottom of the bowl, so that the entire bottom is out:


then make a cut all the way up the back of the bowl, a'la this:




 hang above the front door:

one trick i used was to tape it back together with duct tape so that it doesn't fall and twist with time.

enjoy!!!!


Tuesday, October 26, 2010

If youre not part of the solution, youre part of the problem

ok, i wrote about body immage just last week.  and i really do hate to sound like a broken reccord, but a couple of things came up today.  one made me smile.  the other made me stabby.  lets start with the smile, shall we?

the awesome Single Dad Laughing did this great piece on womens body issues.  "what," you might ask, "does a single guy know about womens body issues?"  apparently a whole damn lot.  cause he nailed it on the head.  it's a rather legnthy post, which boils down to womens body issues being men's fault.  and while i'm not quite willing to go that far, he has a point.  our sense of self worth depends in a massive amount on what we percieve our men think of us.  "does he think i'm too fat?"  "does he think my boobs are too small?"  "am i too/not enough blonde/brunette/redhead/tall/fat/skinny/smart........." 


the list is quite litteraly, endless.

but guys, don't worry, the media, and society, and WOMEN are still shouldering quite a bit of the blame too.  and just as before, i can offer no solution other than we, as a society, have to stop giving a good ghoram what anybody but US thinks about US.  i mean please, don't take offence at this, but i don't care what dispariging things you think about me.  and if that does offend you....  why are you reading this anyway? 
and btw, if you don't follow Single Dad Laughing, you really should.  he really is awesome.

now for the stabby -



i'm honestly not sure what posessed the editors of Marie Clare.  the article that is linked there....  seriously made my blood boil.  who the HELL does this woman think she is?  do we not have enough problems as a society that she has to...  bully... overweight people?  and an admitted recovering anorexic offering diet tips?  oh that's just great.  i have a papercut, would you like to pour lemon juice in it?  i don't remember every buying a Marie Clare before (cause you know, it's Marie Clare), but you can be damn sure i never will in the future.  and this...  author...  if she's still employed in the morning, that will be a stupid mistake on the company's part.  i mean, how derogetory can you get?  the title of the article is "should FATTYS get a room? (even on tv)"  really??

for those of you who didn't read the article, let me copy and paste a little experpt from our grand journalist:
"So anyway, yes, I think I'd be grossed out if I had to watch two characters with rolls and rolls of fat kissing each other ... because I'd be grossed out if I had to watch them doing anything. To be brutally honest, even in real life, I find it aesthetically displeasing to watch a very, very fat person simply walk across a room — just like I'd find it distressing if I saw a very drunk person stumbling across a bar or a heroine addict slumping in a chair."

(and yes, the incorrect use of  "heroine" was already addressed in the articles comments : a heroine addict is someone who can't get enough Disney princesses)

why can a magazine not actualy help a person feel better about themselves?  wtf?  is it that hard?  honestly, is it that much easier just to make people feel like shite all the time?

i'm not going to badmouth the woman (any more than i already have).  this is america, and she's entitled to her openinion.  and somehow she managed to get paid for it (not sure how much longer THAT is going to last...  maybe she'll get a 2million deal with fox news).  but for a fashion magazine that is already is pushing us all to hate ourselves to the point of no return to allow this essay to be published...  i once again state that this rag will be recieving no more of my money.

not that it ever got any before, so it's a moot point, but damnit that's my stand. 

Monday, October 25, 2010

ahh, finally

i'm in bed as i type this, listening to the rain.  it's been a very dry fall so far, and i love the sound of rain.  so again, i'm going to cut this short, and just.....  listen. 

Sunday, October 24, 2010

kind of skipping today

it is late, and i am tired.  and the blog i wanted to post....  im not ready to post it yet.  maybe someday.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

zombie walk. a journey in pictures

 Princess texting


 Griffin...  a bloody mess


 Jeff as Zombie Rebel

 Sev....  Death Trooper



aren't you a little bloody for a storm trooper?


Bloody Bubby



Death Troopers


Bloody Piggies!



The Pizza Shoppe's Special of the Day



nope.  no make up.



Zombie Prom Dates



Awwwww, so cute....  and disturbing!



Hay Lucy!!!!!!



Zombie Bats!

Friday, October 22, 2010

a rather interesting realization

i was complaining to the hubbs, yet again, that i'm fat. i quite obviously haven't been happy with my weight for quite a while. the problem is that i'm kind of ill equipped to deal with it. i love food. i don't like it. i love it. i love to plan it, to cook it, to smell touch and taste it. and if something tastes good, i want more of it. i can't be happy with a bite of cake. i want at least a slice.

hubbs, being the smart guy he is, asked me one very simple question...

"i still love you, is that enough?"

bwaaaaaaaaaa.......

'well, yes. of course it is!' i cried. but then i thought about it. is it? if i'm not happy with myself, no amount of love from him will help. so why am i not happy with myself? who's fault is it? mine? his? society? the media? and to be honest, it's three of the above four. (he is, at this time, blameless)

it's the media's for forcing an unrealistic standard of beauty. it's society's for allowing the media to play us. it's mine because I'M LETTING IT BOTHER ME!!!! to quote elanore roosevelt "no one can make you feel inferior without your permission."

media - you no longer have my permission to force what you think is the 'correct' body type on me. go screw.

society - you no longer have my permission to make me fell like dirt for not living up to the standard you think i should strive for. go screw.

me - you have my permission to never weigh yourself again. you have my permission to eat dessert. you have my permission to walk past the pre-pubescent clothing isles of walmart with a smug attitude of contempt. i am a woman, not a 12 year old boy. i earned these hips giving birth. my stomach may be big, but so was the enjoyment i got from the food.

no, this is not carte blanch to sit down with an entire box of donuts. i'm not going to kill myself with food, but i'm not going to deny myself either just to be a number on the scale.

so today, the second day of my 36th year, is the start of a new era for me. i will no longer weigh myself. i'm done with it. i have a photo shoot scheduled for may 14th, 2011. it was going to be the 'after' shots from me loosing (hopefully) a bunch of weight. i'm going to keep that appointment. but now, it's going to be a photo shoot of me being happy with the weight i am. if the sizes are lower, that's great. but if there not... he still loves me.

and that's totally enough.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

happy birthday ... to me



yep. it's my birthday. the big 3-6. and i have to say, i had a fan-fracking-tastic day.

started out a little rough. 4am feeding. then pinned down by small baby, medium cat, listening to large snores. but when he finally woke up, bubby was super cuddly, and that is the best way to wake up in the history of ever.

i had a voice over this morning. it was a simple 5 minute teleprompt que. it honestly took longer to drive there than to do the actual work. but it's the first time in a couple of years that i've had this kind of work. it's my "chosen field" and i love it, but apparently sometime in the last year or so my agent dropped me (not that she was doing a hell of a lot for me anyway, but i digress) and neglected to let me know. so if anyone has the number of an agent looking for voice work, pleas let me know. i even do accents.

the hubbs gave me the most awesome present ever. i have a 'wheel of the year' for my kitchen. and i love it. and i've already posted the pics of it on facebook, so pleas go look at it. i squee just thinking about it. that's right. squee.

also found out that the hubbs is making me a ghost busters costume. complete with embroidered patches, and ecto goggles. gods i love that man.

the rest of the day was spent doing a bunch of running around, since this is the only day this week that we have off together. and were going to carve pumpkins later.

awesome, awesome, awesome birthday.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

be kind, it's been a long time since i wrote poetry

the world whispers to me
in stifled screams
and bleeds in deep raw colors
and while i wait
patiently
for whatever catastrophe to hit
i grow weary of the chase. 

i wish to rest
but this sword and shield are too heavy
to put down.
i fear i'll never pick them up again.
then mores the pity
for a world without a defender.

so i will sit here by this tree
and watch the one eyed man hang upside down
waiting for his inspiration.
just as i wait for my battle.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

the crud

call it con-crud, the 911 plague, or even "the sickies", i've got it. 

loosing my voice off and on.  chest congestion.  sneezes.  the works.  i've called in to work the last two days.  and i'm the type of person that doesn't call in if i can possibly help it. 

i'm ill.

i do hope you weren't expecting some grand opus from me today.  not gonna happen.  i can't be brilliant all the time.  and if you 've been reading this, you know i can't be brilliant even half of the time. 

i'm going back to bed now before i say something truly stupid.  or type.  whatever. 

Monday, October 18, 2010

i'm watching "how to train your dragon" for like the 80th time

i'm going to preface this by saying...  it's a cute movie.  it's not going to change the world.  it doesn't have any MORE of an important message than any other animated movie anymore.  and yes, it ends with the same "isn't everyone wonderful exactly the way they are and by the way the geek gets the girl" theme. 

and the 80 times i've watched it, it's been background.  i've been doing laundry.  feeding bubby.  alternately getting out/playing with bubby playing with/putting away bubbys blocks, rings, and toys. alternately hacking up a lung and sneezing into my hankie. so it took me till about the 68th watching to notice something.

they use the gods names.

i guess i hadn't really thought about it, but i really didn't expect them to.  as with every other kids movie, i suppose i just expected them to gloss over the vikings religion.  if they mentioned it at all.  but they did.  it actually played a pretty important, though small, role in the movie.  stoick prays to odin.  the blacksmith praises thor.  astrid yells for freya's help. one of the twins even calls his sister "bride of grendel" 

now, i love the norse gods.  (and oddly, the greek goddesses.  i'm weird like that)  and i love love LOVE that this movie put them in.  i can honestly say that i can't think of another movie, let alone a kids movie, that deals with an "alternate" religion in such a wonderful way.  there was not preaching, no stuffing it down the masses throats.  just being....  realistic.  the gods were part of these vikings lives, but not the whole of it.  they are mentioned not as a flag, but in passing. 

and isn't that kind of how it should be?  where it isn't that the religion is the message, but that the people were good, and kind, and just, no matter what there religion was?

so i'll be watching this move for at least another 80 times.  a month.  or so.  admittedly it helps that i love dragons.  and gerrard butler.

and for refrence, in this house....  the geek got the girl.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

100 pavers

my neighbor across the street is doing more work on his house.  so far he's painted the whole outside, redone his driveway, added a raised garden to the front yard.  hubbs and i cam e home the other day to find he's started something with paving stones and river rock.  so far it's looking pretty cool.  and it has some unexpected bennies for me.

i've just inherited 100-150 skinny rectangular paving stones.  so now i have to decide what to do with them.

i could put in a raised garden in either the front or the back.  maybe a flower bed for the princess.  i could wall off an area around the rosebush that just won't die.  i can outline and dig out a new area for the fire pit.  but far more likely, they will sit in my garage till spring.

see we have an hold house.  and once bubby was born, i called the EPA and had the yard tested for lead.  most everything came back just fine, with the expecption of the 'drip zone' and the area that housed my garden. 

but it raised some pretty fundamental questions about how to proceed with our outdoor living space.  the original plan was to turn the back yard into kind of a mini homestead.  a huge garden, compost pile, rain barrel...  the whole nine yards.  we even had a place for honeybees.  but as with every other plan we make, it's fluid and not very likely to happen.  remember Florida?

besides, even if the EPA does come out and replace my entire yard, i'm still going to feel weird about growing food back there.  so from here on out i'll probably be sticking to a container based gardening system.  maybe a couple of those upsideowney things. 

hubbs has been making noises about turning the back yard into a kind of retreat, complete with a koii pond.  i'd like to see another level to our deck.  and as long as i'm asking for the moon, a hot tub. 

but in all honesty, whatever we do will probably be a combination of financially responsible, spiritually responsible, and ecologically responsible.  financially responsible because i'm don't care how cool it is, i'm not going to break the bank for something.  i wouldn't do it if it was inside the house, im not going to do it for the outside.  i'm just not going to spend my money needlessly.  as much as i can anything that goes in the back yard, or the front yard, or the HOUSE for that matter is going to be on sale, or gods willing, free. 

spiritually responsible....  because everything is connected.  the love that we put into our back yard will come back to us when we have our relaxing retreat space when it's done.  we both have stressful jobs, and stressful lives. we need a space where we can just.....be.  and if we have to carve that space out ourselves, it will be that much more meaningful for us.

ecologically responsible.  that's a pretty easy one for us.  were only going to plant things or make changes that will benefit the lives of both us and the ground.  were not going to put anything in there that's going to poison anybody, mother earth included. kind of the whole point of calling the EPA in the first place, you know?

so the pavers will come into the garage, and despite my grand plans, they will probably be put around the outside of the house in a kind of rock garden meets drainage type pattern.  and if there are some left over, princess will get her flower garden.  most likely in the front where there's more sun.

for the back.....i'm thinking fruit trees.  and a koii pond.  i'll be ok with out the hot tub. 


but honey bees are still on the table.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

hay look, a bunny

Carved pimpkins today. Ill post pictures later. very tired.
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Friday, October 15, 2010

time suck

i love me some rpg.  we know this.  i think i've expounded on my geekdom.  so when my hubbs brougnt home DragonAge:Origins for his xbox*, i figured i'd give it a try.  it's not like im NEW to consoul rpg's, i've played KOTOR, and watched the hubbs play oblivion so many hours that it's just silly.  (though i prefer to watch him play shoot em ups.  there's something primal about watching your man kill things for you, even pixilated things). 

i'm in love with this game.  i've already beat it twice.  i've been a dwarf commoner (for prefrence), an elf commoner, and i'm playing it through now as a human noble (oddly giving me the most trouble).  and i'll be playing it through at least 3 more times.  dwarf noble, dalish elf, and human rogue. 

the graphics are amazing.  the amount of detail that when into even the backgrounds is astounding.  the charicters are really well drafted, and everything moves very fluidly.  even the music is great.  but i have to say, that my absolute favorite thing about this game...  the voices.  the amazing steve valentine voices alistair, one of the main characters.  and if youre one of my facebook friends, yes, still have a crush on him. 

i checked yesterday...  ive logged in over 28 hours playing this game.  over a day of my life interacting with computer baised life forms.  awesome.  it's amazing what you can accomplish when you don't have tv.

*yes, i said his xbox.  he has one, i have one, and princess has one.  3 xbox 360 family.  cause sometimes we all want to geek out at the same time. 

Thursday, October 14, 2010

by other broom is a car *

the broom is a very important tool.  keeps the floor clean, gets rid of ooky cob webs, clearing energy... and lets face it, what tool other than the cauldron is more synonymous with witches?  so of course i'm all over the broom! 

who doesn't remember the scene in Practical Magic... the one with the midnight margaritas...  when the broom falls...  "company's coming".  ohhhhh, shiver!

there's a lot of lore surrounding the broom.  here's just a sampling from Crimsonwolf

 *In Sicily, on Midsummer's Eve, people often put a broom outside their homes to ward off any wickedness that might come knocking.
*It is said that a new broom should sweep dirt out of a house only after it has swept something in.
*Placing a broom across any doorway allows your departed friends and family to speak to you if they so choose. As long as the broom remains in place, they can communicate freely.

(and before you get in an uproar, yes, i copied and pasted.  not the whole thing.  and i gave credit and a link.  i did not write this.  Crimsonwolf did. credit where credit is due.)
 
i can honestly say that i use my broom almost every day.  sometimes twice.  when im really stressed, or frustrated, and nothing is going right, the best thing for me to do is to pick up the broom and sweep all that negative energy out the door.  and if you think about it, it works on a couple of different levels.  1. i'm DOING SOMETHING MINDLESS, thus allowing my body to be busy, but letting my mind wander and work out what ever it is that's bugging me at the time.  2.  i'm actually getting all those bad vibes out of the house, wither real or imagined.  once there out of the house, there gone, no longer impact my life.  3. if it's been a really bad day, yes, im imaging the people i'm sweeping out of my life.  quite cathartic. 

so when the time came to upgrade the broom, i but a lot of thought into it.  did i want another $4 walmart broom, or did i want something that was made with intention?  something that was slapped together in some sweatshop somewhere, or something that was handmade?  i knew i was going to pay more for a good broom.  not just a good broom, a great broom.  a FRACKING PHENOMENAL BROOM FOR ALL THE AGES!!!!  but if etsy has taught me anything, it's that something made by hand will cost more, but it will be better made. 

So at the Kansas City Renaissance Faire, i picked up this beauty.



it's totally awesome, hand made, dyed straw....  awesome.  it sweeps better than any walmart broom ever could. 



they also made this flying broom that i got a couple of years ago.



i really REALLY need to learn how to make my own brooms.  sigh.  that's just what i need, one more hobby.


*totally stole the title of the article, but i can't remember where, so please, if you know, tell me.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

long day

This will be a short post. Its been a long day, of an even longer week. Id like very much to be told that everything will be allright.

But then again, thats what we all want deep down, isnt it?
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Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Witches Brew

i've had a lot of requests for the recipe for witches brew lately.  it's a WONDERFUL drink for the season.  totally yummy!

you need:
1gal unfiltered apple cider
1tsp cinnamon
1tsp nutmeg
1tsp cloves
1 cinnamon stick
2 cups of chopped apples
a crock pot or large pot on the stove

put about 1/2 of the apple cider in the crock pot low or on the stove on a low burner.  add in the apples and spices.  keep on low for 3-4 hours.  by that time the brew should have "cooked down" a bit, and you can add the other half of the apple cider.  keep on low for another 2-3 hours.  when the brew is finished, ladle into mugs, adding whipped cream for the kiddies, and rum for the big'uns. 

this is my absolute favorite seasonal beverage (with the exception of this pumpkin ale that you can't get in Nebraska, only Missouri and Kansas (HINT HINT, you know who you are!!!!))

Monday, October 11, 2010

i love this time of year.  the leaves turn pretty colors.  the smell of wood smoke is in the air.  the cooking and baking of comfort foods becomes an almost daily obsession.  (red beans and rice today by the way).

but i have to say that my favorite part of this season....  the horror. 

see, me...  i'm a werewolf buff.  love 'em.  can't get enough of 'em.  and yes i did see the Del Toro Wolfman.  loved it.  (directors cut, not theatrical release.  i don't see the point in the theatrical release anymore.  all directors cut, all the time, thank you)  i'm usually not a re make fan, but damn that was good.  it's amazing what can be done with computer graphics anymore.  (though i do think 'watcher in the woods' deserves a re-do)

and it's not just werewolves.  all horror.  in fact, sometimes, the cheesier the better.  killer clowns from outer space.  mars needs women.  the satanic rites of dracula.  all movies near and dear to my heart. 

oh, and lets not forget the printed word!  kim harrison is a favorite.  and again del toro's the strain.  (ooohhhh, the next "strain" book is out.  i don't have it yet, but i'm drooling already)  even old school.....  stephen king. 

ok, small stephen king rant.  you CANNOT make a good stephen king movie.  you just can't.  there is way too much fracking detail and thought, and......  ookyness that goes on in those books.  it gets lost in the translation from print to screen.  i don't care if you have a favorite movie, or if you think this one or that one was good.  it just can't be done. 

ok, time for bed.  sorry about the randomness and the shortness of the post today. 

Sunday, October 10, 2010

My Best Ever Beef Stroganoff

i love to cook. i think we've more than covered that. (gee heather, i had no idea... kitchen witch, sacred cooking.... you really caught us unawares) (shaddup) and i think my followers (would you rather be called minions? i like the sound of that) know i've had a bad couple of days. so when the hubbs called in sick, that gave me the perfect oppertunity to do a little MFS, meal from scratch. and one of my favorites..... BEEF STROGANOFF.

here's what you need:
a couple pounds of beef serloin, chopped small
a 16oz pkg of sour cream
an onion
pkg of egg noodles
beef bulion granules.

first, i light my candle on my kitchen altar and leave a small offering in the itty bitty wine glass (green tea today).


then chop up the onion and begin to carmalize it. while the onion is carmalizing,



boil up you water and throw in the noodles when you've reached a boil.



once the onions are carmalized, add in the serloin into the pan and brown that all up.  quick random shot of my witchy kitchen stuff.



add the granules to the sour cream and stir up till you can't see granules anymore and it's a pale brown color.



by this time your noodles should be done, so drain and set asside. when the meat is done browning, drain, put it back in the pan, and add the sour cream mixture.


keep it on low for about 5 minutes, then to the noodles, stir up, and take off the heat.

enjoy!!

Saturday, October 9, 2010

i had a whole different blog written, i really did

i had this really cool blog all written up on paper (yes, i still write with paper. strange i know) on making halloween luminaries with princess. it was going to be a step by step "instructable" complete with joyful pictures of her and i in crafty crafty bliss.

then in her pre-teen SWOOP of hormones, and emotions, and "you'll never understand", she let me know in no uncertian terms that doing something crafty with me was the last thing she wanted to do.

ok, it wasn't that dramatic, but it was kinda crushing all the same.

this is the little girl who used to make me tell her stories just before bed. the one who would cry on my sholder and no one elses when her bio-mom did something, once again, that tore a whole in her little world.

and suddenly, without warning, i'm someone on the outskirts of her life.

you see, princess has always been 'mine'. she has only dim memories of her life before i was in it. i have always called her my daughter. and i always will. to quote a cheesy halmark card "she didn't grow under my heart, but in it". she is my little girl.

but suddenly she doesn't want to spend any time with her father or i. there was almost an entire month that she didn't come over on our weekends. she wanted to stay at her bio-mom's instead. last month i heard her call me her "step-mom".

i had to fight back tears, because we were in public.

i've never been anything other than mom to her. it broke my heart. it still aches. and to be honest, i'm not sure it will ever stop hurting.

and yes, i know that it's just puberty. that she'll grow out of it. that she doesn't understand what her body or emotions are doing. that she doesn't mean to hurt me or her father. but that's kind of cold comfort when your baby becomes a stranger.

Friday, October 8, 2010

sweetness

Today, while walking around best buy, my sweet boy fell asleep in my arms.


My life is complete

Thursday, October 7, 2010

I am you. I'm a Kitchen Witch

as i've stated before, i'm not a wiccan (unless were talking about legalities, then hells yeah, i'm jumping on that bandwagon (pagans themselves don't have any clear cut legal rights, but wiccans do)), i'm a kitchen witch. i have no degrees, participate in no coven, i'm solitary. i do things on my own. and that may not be the way the rest of the pagan community does it, but it's what works for me.

for most wiccans (and again, remember, i'm not a wiccan, so i could be totally wrong, and if i am, please let me know) they cast a circle, gather around the altar with their magical tools, do their ritual, and commune with the goddess. not so with me.

my entire kitchen is my saccred space. my counter tops are my altar, my cabinets my supply storage. everything i cook or bake is in it's own way magical and saccred. i rarely if ever do any formal rituals. whenever i cook i light a candle and say a thank you to the god and goddess. my cakes and ale are usually yogurt and coffee.

for instance, since i started this blog post i have been (simultaniously):
feeding bubby
blessing my new broom and cauldron (the broom will be getting it's own blog post later)
typing this up
making coffee
running the dishwasher
wiping up the counter tops
making a batch of witches brew
taking pictures of hex on the dining room table

see, for me, being a pagan isn't about the robes, and the candles, and the statues. it's about how i live my life. about how everything i do should be done with intention. i just happen to practice my faith in the kitchen.


**could not help myself with the name of this blog post. common, it was RIGHT THERE!!!**

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

amendment to yesterdays blog

I recieved a lot of comments on yesterdays blog, and i feel the need to clear a couple of things up. If it came across that i was lumping all christians together with the extreamists... not my intention. I know that 99% of the christians in this country arent currently trying to burn me at the stake, nor do they have any plans to.

And i have to say that ive never been treated with anything but respect by the christians i know personally. At least the ones that i consider my friends and family.

So if i offended anyone, i am sorry. Not for what i said, but for how it was percieved.
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Things I'm Currently Obsessed With

**yes, i took the easy route and decided on a list today. don't make me call the bunny**

DragonAge: Origins - best video game ever

Stripey Pants for Bubby - he's so cute in them

HFCS or Corn Sugar - this is not something i should have to obsess about. i just don't want it in my food.

Homeschooling - i'm trying to get all the information i can before we have to decide what were going to do with Bubby.

knitting - who isnt

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Being a Pagan in a world of the Religious "Right"

i'm not a political person. i vote, but i don't get all mired in parties and sides. to me, it's all a big popularity contest, and the one that gets elected simply had enough money thrown at him to buy the best campaign and the nicest suit. i don't have tv either. hubbs and i got rid of cable in our budget cuts, and we had a digital antennae for all of 18 hours before it went back to the store. the only reason it lasted that long is because the cowboys were playing. so put those two things together and you can tell i'm not the most up to date super informed newsie out there. most of my "news" comes from friends facebook updates and the odd news web page a'la cnbc, cnn, foxnews, etc.

but i've been noticing a theme.

the ultra conservative christian "right" seems to hate (and i don't use his term lightly) anything and everyone that is even slightly different than they are. i know it's human nature to fear the unknown, but most people at least try to not want you dead. you know, little things like that.

but there were people threatening to burn the Koran. this is a HOLY BOOK!!! i dont care if it's not YOUR holy book, it's still A HOLY BOOK PEOPLE!!

several different Christian groups on about a million different web sites are proclaiming that the First Amendment applies to Christians only. excuse me? "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances." where exactly does that say 'oh that's just for us christians, the rest of you heathens, go screw'?

there was a website for a church in the south that reportedly had kids turn in their parents for witchcraft, and though it DID turn out to be a joke site... it really didn't seem like something that far fetched, you know?

and it's not only in this country. in latin america, south america, and africa people, even children, are being killed after they've been accused of witchcraft. and i have yet to hear one christian entity speak out against it. even the president spoke out against the Koran burning. but i didn't hear ONE christian body of people say a word about this .... murder.

it almost seems like the religious "right" is trying to spread out and wholesale destroy everything that is even the tiniest bit different. i guess i kind of always knew it was like that, but i never realized, or didn't pay close enough attention as to how serious and how ballsy they were being (seriously, have you seen Glen Beck? somebody's been drinking the kool-aid!

and how long before it gets much, much worse?

bullying pagan (and perceived pagan) students is already rampant. when will it become assault? murder? when will someone call CPS on me because of my faith? will they take my children away because i believe in both a god and a goddess? when is it going to happen that the same church that wanted to burn the Koran will condone to take me from my home and stone me to death?

and if i seem very paranoid and gloom and doom... that i may be. but i'd rather be paranoid and wrong, than blindsided and taken to a re-education camp.

**admittedly, i've watched "v for vendetta" about 20 times, but seriously, watch it too and connect the dots!!**

Monday, October 4, 2010

.....

must. come. up. with. blog post......


hay look! a bunny

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Race for the Cure

Dont think ive forgotten about you NaBloWriMo. Ill have a real post later. Swear.
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ok, several some hours later... i'm finally ready to re-post.

i ran (and i use this term very loosly) my second 5k today. i sucked (more on that later). my time was 56:43. suck.

but here are a few things that i've learned about training and running a 5k:

1. running on a treadmill does NOT prepare you for running on concrete. it's a totally different animal.
2. do not under any circumstances make a three hour trip (each way) to "your" ren-faire the day before, no matter how much you want to see your friends.
3. taco bell.... not a "night before the race" meal.
4. running in someone elses shoes, no matter how sentimental, is not a good idea.
5. people with "crowd issues" should not accidentally wander to the front of the starting area.

my feet hurt, my legs are screaming, my knees are trying to secede. after the first mile, my body just wouldn't run any more, i had to walk. but even after all that, it was a great race.

why?

because for me it was a healing process. the last 100 yards was walked with me bawling my eyes out. but somehow i know that the wound has started to heal.

Linda, i still miss you. i always will. but i know we'll see each other again someday.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

im... im a geek

I know the title of this post comes as no great shock to anyone. Though you may be suprised at the level of geek.

Example: i am, as i type, in the car headed to the ren-faire. Dressed as a Viking healer (read witch, i know, youre shocked), listening to the robin hood sound track, and crusing the internet looking for cheats fot the xbox game im currently crushing on.

Geek.

Oh, and my traveling companions are a gentilmen pirate (huhbs), a saucy wench (princess) and a kilted rogue with stripey pants (bubby).

Family of geeks.

But it gets better! Im countig days till february when hubbs and i are on the same schedule and we can have a regular d&d game night again. I play a dwarf fighter (thats right, i make dwarf look sexy). I paint mini figures. Ive made myself a pink fur dice bag.

GEEK.

So yeah, talk nerdy to me.

*this is the third attempt to post this. Blogerdroid lost it the first two times somewhere in iowa. So if it randomly reposts somesay, youll know why.

im... im a geek

Friday, October 1, 2010

What did i get myself into??

I signed up for NaBloWriMo.  31 days, 31 blog posts.  please don't expect them all to be nice long ones.  in fact, this one is getting written on the dining room table as i feed bubby.  please excuse the green beans and turkey stains.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Accidents and Emergency Rooms

so i was going to blog on September 11th about the state of our country and religious freedom and blah blah blah.  i was planing on doing this huge thing about how being a pagan was getting scary anymore.  not because of anything "we" were doing, but how the religious right seemed to be in an almost violent fervor against anyone who didn't think exactly the same way they did.

then bubby pulled a cup of hot coco onto himself.

in a moment of blinding terror, i ripped off his shirt, got his diaper off of him, and got him into the bathtub splashing him with cold water.  all the while dialing 911 where hubby was working.  i got ahold of hubbs, and told him which hospital we were going to.  i made it there in three minutes. the er was a nightmare.  i don't remember most of what went on, i was so focused on bubby (and crying my eyes out).  my most vivid memory is that it took 4 adults to hold down a 7 month old child to put in his iv.  i know that aside from being in pain and scared, bubby calmed down when he was in my arms.  he just wanted his mommy.  and i know that i was mortified.

somewhere in my brain there was a voice saying "if you'd turned around a second or two earlier..."  "if you'd had iced dea in stead of hot coco..."  my head was filled with that voice telling me that his first accident was my fault, regardless of what every nurse, doctor, orderly or family member told me.  they all said the same thing.  "accidents happen, it's not your fault. 

i cried my eyes out, several times, convinced that i was the worst mother in the world.  that something was horribly wrong with me that i let this happen to my child.  to be perfectly honest, it took DAYS, but my brain finally listened to them.  it was an accident.  and the first of many. 

because bubby is already a little daredevil.  he doesn't like to be still.  wants to always be exploring.  there are going to be a lot more er visits in my future.  and possibly a heart attack to two.  now 11 days later, bubby has hardly a mark on him.  will probably never even remember that it happened.  mommy however has deep emotional scars that will probably never heal. 

so i'll be saving my religious tolerance blog for another time.  save for this:
as bad as it's getting, and trust me, it's getting bad.  i had my "naturally born pagan" shirt on when we raced to the er (and for the 18 hour stay in the burn unit)....  and no one even blinked an eye.  so there is hope.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

my own campaign for real beauty

by now youve all seen the dove ads. the "campaign for real beauty", and if you havent, youtube that. now. ill wait.

i love that a company is finally telling women that yes, they are good enough EXACTLY THE WAY THEY ARE. That all women are beautiful. and that shows exactly how DISTORTED the publics image of what is beautiful has become.

so i have a little confession to make...


im beautiful.

no, ill take that a step further. im hot. dude, im just damn fine to look at. ships would be launched, wars fought, all at the bat of my pretty pretty eyelashes.

but you will never see me on a magazine cover. oh hells, lets be honest. youll never see me in the magazine. what ive got doesnt translate into photos. im a big girl, not tall. big. and dont give me the 'oh you just had a baby...' that was 7 months ago. so spare me. my nose flares to much. i wear glasses. my teeth should have been braced growing up. i know all this. om ok with it. and im still a hottie.

because what is most beautiful about me is on the inside.

i am strong. my legs are powerful (yay couch to 5k!). my arms are quick. i know how to use a sword (and thats damn sexy, i dont care who you are). ive stopped a psudo-mugger (new orleans, piratecon. great story).

im confidant. i know who i am and where ive come from. and i know how hard it was to get from there to here. i have none of those petty doubts anymore about 'am i good enough?'. cause i am.

put all that together.... hottie me.

but what i want to know, is how do we get more women to feel the same way?
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Monday, August 30, 2010

The winds of change

I de-wiccan'd the kitchen today.

it's kind of a big thing really.  kitchen witch de-witching the kitchen. but unfortunately, there isn't anything that i could do about it.  you see, the hubs and i are going to sell our house.  not this year, but probably in the spring.  and i know what you're thinking... "why do it now, why not wait?"  and that's a valid question.  but you see, i know myself.  i know that if i don't do it now, if i wait under the guise of "i'll get to it", it will never get done. 

so all my little witches on their tiny brooms, my witch crossing signs, my drac's, frank's and wolfies, even my spookshow pinups prints, all packed away.  my kitchen looks so bare.

what i did NOT pack up however were my altar (which someday the hubs will learn is not a place to put spoons that he can't figure out where they go) and my cauldrons. 

i gotta be me

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Never Again With The Seperate Vacations.

so my staycation started.  and oh did it start with a bang.  ore more accurately with a cough.  manchild had his first really bad cough.  and the sniffles.  and a fever that spiked out at 102.5.  and in the midst of this, hubby leaves on a plane for Florida for celebration (the star wars convention).  and i don't think either of us was really prepared for the whole separate vacations thing.  let me explain......

hubby and i work together.  we have the same friends for the most part.  our parents get along, and are usually invited to each others parties, get together, cookouts etc.  hubbs and i were friends before we started dating.  in fact we were already inseparable long before the official dating began.  he was there for me when i was going through a rather difficult divorce (which just added fuel to the ex's fire).  literally, since we started our official courtship, we have been apart exactly 3 days, and that was the 3 days right before we got married (seriously, he got into town and we were married 4 hours later), so there was a lot to keep me occupied and i didn't notice the "apartness" quite so much. 

and those have been the only 3 days we've spent apart.  we even worked the same shift at the same place right up until my pregnancy when it was VERY clear that working overnights was a baaaaaaad thing for me.  the only reason we work separate shifts now is so that we don't have to pay for daycare.  and that sucks so much that we've already got childcare figured out for when shift change comes in february, so we can be on the same shift again. see, we don't just love each other.  we LIKE each other too.  he is my best friend.  i can and do talk to him about everything.  even when it's him that's pissing me off.  so why separate vacations, do you ask?

hubby's mother died of breast cancer just before manchild was born.  i can honestly say i loved this woman second only to my own mother.  and if her death devastated me...  it destroyed him. 

and as he was lost in this sea of destruction, everything he held dear was tossed away as he looked to stay afloat.  he stopped buying comics.  quit going to comic conventions.  he sold off most of his star wars collection and all of his costumes.  (and if you don't think this is a big deal, let me put it this way.  we once had to rent a storage unit just for his star wars stuff.  no, not kidding.  and it was a big storage unit).  he stopped blogging, stopped pod casting, Fan Boy Empire was sent adrift.  the only things that kept him going was his family both real and extended. 

but when the haze lifted....  he realized that those very things he tossed away, were the things he should have held onto.  (hind site is 20/20 after all)  so when the prospect of going to CV came up, we bought his tickets, his passes, saved up spending money, all so that he could go.  and i'm not saying that we couldn't have scrimped a little more so that manchild and i could have gone too.  we could have.  (we should have)  but this way, there was a little extra for him for spending money.  and if you've never been to a celebration, trust me, extra spending money is a must.  this gave him a few more autographs, a couple more do-dads, and a bit more fun. 

and i stayed at home.  staycation.  we werent' expecting manchild to get sick.  weren't expecting that his first fever would be left for me to stress over.  didn't expect that the two nights in a row that he could only sleep for 45 minutes at a time would be left for me to take care of.  do i regret it?  no.  i now know i can handle these things, and will do so better (if only because hubby is back with me) in the future.  but there hasn't been one day that's gone by so far on this trip that one of us hasn't lamented that it was a mistake.  i needed him here to help with the baby.  he needed us there because, in his own words, he was lonely without us. 

for my own part, there are a couple things i didn't think about when i made him go.  things that i honestly didn't realize how lucky i was, how easy i had it: 
     1.  the cat poos.  she doesn't use the toilet, and doesn't clean up after herself.  i had no idea.
     2.  the garbage men expect me to put my refuse on the curb.  it didn't magically appear there. 
     3.  the kitchen is a mess.  as far as i was aware it just tided up after itself when i wasn't looking.
     4.  how do you run the vacuum?

thankfully he comes back monday.  come monday, it'll be alright.  come monday i'll be holding him tight.....

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