Friday, November 12, 2010

big neon flashing disclaimer

there will be people who wont want to read this. especially members of my immediate family who, knowing that this is an openion, will still state that its invalid. my only advice to you is... dont read it. then you cant get upset.

my day started out fairly usual. 5:20 alarm, 5:21 baby cring to be fed. but here's where it went wonkey. 5:30 a text message from my mother telling me that she's at the hospital with her mother, who is apparently hallucinating.

after making sure my mother was emotionally ok (as much as she could be) i showered and went about my day. up to now, there have been perodic calls to mom's cell phone to make sure shes still holding up.

and to be absolutly honest, thats all i care about. that mom is ok. about HER mother, it has to be said... i just dont care. you know the song from chorus line "i felt nothing"? thats me. it sounds crass, and cold, and... evil. but i dont. i just dont have it in me to care about a person who so obviously doesnt care about me.

for a multitude of reasons, that im not going to go into here (you really want to know, shoot me an email), the woman has never approved of me. not that she doesnt like me. she does not approve of my existance on this earthly plane. think im painting her too harshly? read on.

when we discovered that i am allergic to dates (which are just the most delish fruit EVAR and its totally unfair that theyll kill me(seriously theyll kill me)) everything in the thanksgiving meal was cooked with dates. everything. from cranberry sauce to dessert. even the salad had dates.

so weve always been on... eggshell like terms. at best.

but my mother and father raised me well, and raised me to be the bigger person. christmas cards were still sent. as well as thank you cards when it was approperate. but a couple of years ago i noticed something.

it was christmas, the in town family all together by the tree. gifts a plenty. and as they were passed out, a pattern emerged. gifts to and from nana and papa. gifts to and from me, hubby, and our daughter. gifts to her. wait. what?

apparently the day before shed screamed at my mother that the gifts that id been buying for her all these holidays were actually purchased by my mother, and that i was an ungreatfull curr. yes, curr. she also calls couches davenportts, but thats neither here nor there. she even had gifts under the tree to my sister and her family in south dakota. you know, to put a little salt on the wound.

its one thing to snub me. not my kids.

so my capacity for caring for this woman is just exhausted. i cant do it. and after all this time, i dont think i want to. but like i said, my parents raised me to be the bigger person. last week i took bubby up to see her. let her see what wonderful things shes missed in my life.

maybe im not so big after all.


  1. congrats to you for writing this.

    my relationships with certain family members are tentative at best. my husband and i decided long ago that if certain relatives couldnt behave in a 'normal' manner (and by normal, i just mean offering support and unconditional love)then it isnt worth our time to be around them. you shouldnt have to expect that your family is going to make your life harder than life already is.

    ive been told be certain people that i dont hold family in high enough regard and maybe thats true,and they've asked me how i can just cut people out of my life. its never an easy decision but if all someone does is cause you grief time and time again, why keep putting yourself through that?

    i hope your grandmother comes to her senses soon and realizes what shes missed, but if she doesnt, just rest easy knowing you tried as hard as you could. thats all you can do.

    (oh, and i know you werent really asking for advice in this post, just consider it support.)


  2. Geez, that doesn't make you a bad person. Far from it. ^^

    ('I totally understand your point of view here, and I think you must have been mad for all the efforts... my younger sister (at the age of 20) cut all ties to our mother because of family stuff, and she's absolutely happy with it. Her reason, "I feel better that way, and I am not responsible for how she feels about it.")

    See? My sister isn't a bad person either. ^^

  3. As someone who is the black sheep in her own family, who is rarely approved of, who is forever remembered for what I've done wrong no matter what I do right I hear ya!

    I am sorry for what your mom is having to endure. I am sorry for what you ahve had to endure.

    be Blessed