Thursday, January 30, 2014

keeping our power

i want to talk to you for a minute.

i want to talk to you about power.  the power that we as humans posses.  the power that we give away.  the power of words.  about keeping power.  about taking it away from others.  about your power.

we are powerful beings.  you have so much intellect, and beauty, and energy, and potential.  you have so much power, and you don't recognize even a millionth of it.  we give our power away to parents, and lovers, and teachers, and bosses.  to our children, to our siblings. that give and take of power is fine, even beautiful.  it's love and compromise, and respect.

 but most of all we give our power away to people that abuse it.  that rip if from us and leave us wounded and broken.  a hollow shell of self hate and anger.  and we do it willingly, even paying for the privilege.  from fashion magazines, to reality television, everything about the cult of celebrity that has overtaken out culture, or what passes as our culture anymore.

words have power. ask a three year old about Santa Claus and you will see how much power words have. when you say something that makes it real. when we watch these reality shows, and fashion shows, and read the trashy magazines that follow "celebrities" we take that power and twist it.

i stumbled across this on pintrest today, and it had a bigger effect on me than i thought it would.  for those that don't click the link, it is Australian comedian Adam Hill giving Joan Rivers a piece of his mind because of some rather unflattering things that she tweeted and said about Adele on the Tonight Show.  she was mean.  very mean.  to a woman that, to my knowledge, has never done anything disrespectful to Ms Rivers.  i read it.  sat and thought about it for a while.   then i got mad.

this 'person' was trying to hurt someone else for sport.  ripping away the power and beauty of another individual.  tearing down another human being with words poised like claws.  why?  to hurt.  to strip away another persons power, leaving them wounded.  bleeding.

we have to stop giving that power away.  it's too precious.  too valuable.  when we watch the shows, read the magazines, that power is ripped away.  gone.  and we'll never get it back.  and there comes a point, there has to, where we have no power at all.  none left for our children, for our lovers, out parents....  we are empty shells.  what then?  what horrible hollow thing will we become?  are we already in danger of becoming?

what would happen if we all just said "no more!"?  if we each resolved to keep our power, to no longer let others take it from us?  what kind of world would we have if the only transfer of power was done with love and respect?

so i, for one, am done.  i have no more power left for those things.  my power is mine.  my light, my soul, my intimate sexiness, my wonderful indefinable quality, mine and mine alone.  i will no longer give that power away.  

Friday, January 17, 2014

a cup of tea and a pencil

I'm working on getting better coping mechanisms.  in the long days past (aka last month), if something damaged my calm i would sit down with an entire pizza, or a whole order of deep fried pickles or mozzarella sticks.  i can't do that anymore.  for one, if i eat that much cheese i will be doubled over in pain in an hour, and two, if i eat that much (or any really I'm discovering) gluten i'll blow up like a balloon and feel nauseous for weeks.  so no.  and in the last couple of days i've needed a coping mechanism.

now, a little back story:  i've always considered myself an artist. (admitedly, for about 80% of that time, i'm not sure why i did, i wasn't producing any art)  i have always drawn.  i don't remember a time in my life wehn i ddin't have at least one, if not ten half finished sketchbooks littered around the house.  i have worked in crayon, conte, pastels, oils, acrylic, ceramic, and a couple of times in mashed potato.   i minored in art in college, with an emphasis in sculpture.  i once made a replica of a combat boot out of wire.  had i ever finished my bachelors degree, i was invited to go to San Francisco College of Art to achieve my masters.  i don't say this to brag.  i say it so you know how engraned in me it is.

so when the world was swept out from under me, instead of killer food, i picked up a nice cup of tea and a pencil.  and here are some of the results:

i'm not sure what inspired this one, but i think i like the elongated neck.  

a more "realistic" Wonder Woman.  i'm only about half finished with this one.  

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

that little red monster

i was....  pissed.

you know that level of mad where you see it from the other side and realize just how ridiculous you are being?  that "why can't i let it go, i can't let it go?  oh, i can't let it go because i have so much MAD invested in this mad" level of mad?  yep, i was there.  i was laughing i was so upset.  like laughing at how... just ridiculous i was being.

no, i'm not going to get into what upset me.

but my husband.  gods i love that man.  he is seriously the most supportive person ever in the history of everty ever.  he listened to me vent.  and i did.  i ranted and railed.  i shook my fist at the universe and didn't use all my fingers.  he held my hand and patted my back.  he told me everything was going to be ok.  and when it was over, when my vitrol was spent, he did the most amazing, most wonderful thing.  he walked with me upstairs, went into our storage area and drug out all my canvas' and my easel.  he moved stuff around in the play room so that i have an area to paint in.  he even reminded me i have an almost new set or oil paints that i haven't even popped the seals on.

so for the past two days i've been working on a painting.  im not great with oils, i really need to practice.  i'm considering taking a painting class (acrylics, but the skills transfer) at a nearby art studio.  maybe even see how much renting some studio time would cost, but i'm not taking that train of thought seriously.  we have children, not studio time, and i have a responsible steak a mile wide, that's money that can be spent better somewhere else.

here is my piece so far.  it's still in the very early stages, so a lot is bound to change.

Thursday, January 9, 2014

my gluten free experiment

i'm going to start this off my saying i've lost nothing.  admittedly weight loss is not my main goal, the elimination of at times debilitation stomach cramps is (and in that case it's just working fine, thanks for asking), but it would be nice. but all in all, the food that i've had this week has been tasty, fresh, and with the exception of the massive amount of tortilla chips, good for me.  tortilla chips are just an easy go to grab for a snack.  so here is what i've had to eat most of this week.
eggs and hash browns, with home made bacon bits (from real bacon!!)

merangues.  yes i know their mostly sugar and chocolate chips.  sue me
meat loaf and green salad.  


i got a Ninja blender for yule from the hubby, and i love it so much.  the first thing i made in it was the guaco-salsa.  here is the recipe:


2 tomato's of your choice - i picked a couple of hot house tomatoes
1 jalapeno
1 avocado
2 cloves of garlic
pinch of salt

take the top off the tomato's and the jalapeno, take the "paper" off the garlic, slice the avocado and take out the pit, remove the flesh from the skin. dump it all in the blender .  add a pinch of salt. 


yes, i felt the need to write it down. because it was damn tasty.  this next week, i'll focus more on better gluten free choices, and concentrate on making time for yoga.  

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

it's a process

so today is day 3 of "pretty much" gluten free.  i say pretty much because i haven't fully researched all the ingredients of the coffee creamer i had on the first two days, and apparently the good people at Terry's Chocolate Orange haven't yet gotten the memo that i'm trying gluten free because there's a possibility of cross contamination.  dammit.  there just SO good!!!

anyway.  i'm noticing some detox like symptoms.  achy joints, stuffiness, etc.  and i got the book Wheat Belly on my kindle.  i like it so far, but i'm still in the early stages.  going gluten free is a process.  a process of CONSTANT VIGILANCE!!!  (and if you read that in Mad Eye Moody's voice, i tip my glass to you)  because there's always a risk of cross contamination.  now, to be clear, i don't have ciliac disease.  i'm not going to die if i have a crouton on my salad.  but reading into the genetic manipulation of wheat, knowing that evolutionarily we just aren't supposed to be eating this stuff, and doing research, i've made the conscious decision to eliminate it.  it's an experiment.  i want to see if i feel better if i cut out gluten.  if i don't, i can add it back.  but if i do, it will prove to me what i'm reading is true.

and with the massive amounts of gluten free recipes out there, i don't think it's going to be too much of a hardship.  no, really.  i have a pintrest board set up for the recipes i find, and i'll be adding more as i find them. even at walmart you can get gluten free baking mix and cake mixes.  and a little preparation goes a long way.   like today, i was gifted some beef neck bones from a friend that goes in for a cow share.  i boiled up the bones to make a stock, took the meat that was left along with carrots, celery, and peas, i made the best damn beef veg soup that you'll ever have.  i ladled them into my huge collection of mason jars, and now i have an entire week worth of lunches made.  and it took me 15 minutes of actual "work".

the rest of the house is decidedly NOT gluten free.  but here also, i just need to pre-plan a bit.  with the turkey stock i made i'm making two batches of turkey soup.  turkey noodle for the hubby, and turkey and brown rice for me.  really not a noticeable difference as far as i'm concerned.  even eating out i've got lots of options.  we got take out at work today from Panera, i looked ahead and saw that the chicken hummus power bowl is gluten free, but may have cross contamination.  so much like my beloved Terry's Chocolate Orange, i can have it since i'm not TOO worried about contamination.  admittedly, i may get cross contamination worried later on if i really see a marked difference without gluten.  but for now, i'll deal.

i'll keep a kind of journal here (when i feel like it, lets face it, i'm a touch and go blogger), and report my experience.