No Resolutions

.... only promises.

in 2012 i promise to:

     make all my own laundry soap.
     make my own lotion
     knit myself a sweater coat
     make soap from lard
     do yoga twice a week
     start AND finish a steampunk costume
     keep up with 'once a month cooking'
     make sure i blog once a week, at least
     continue to be awesome
     leave an offering on the outside altar each full moon
     keep the kitchen clean
     cuddle with my babies

i'm home today

apparently the plague is going around at work.  it's my turn.  cough, sniffles, sore throat.  i've got em all.  so i'm spending my day cursing pintrest and watching bam eat an ice cream sandwich for brecky.

and deciding what to do with this blog.

this blog is kind of a catch all for my thoughts.  no real direction, no real... push.  so i think i'm going to slim it down a bit.  i've already started another diary type blog for my weight loss, www.mommytomilf.blogspot.com . and this one is going to be for my hippy/pagan stuff.  i'm not saying that the two wont mingle, but a little more separation will be good for me.

on that note....

i made some lotion.  actual lotion.  not balm, not 'moisturizing oil'.  lotion.  and it was flippin easy.  i got all the instructions from this site Ready Made, and they have great detailed instructions.  the only thing that i changed was that i added some sandalwood scent.  the fragrance oil, not the essential oil.  i can't afford the essential oil. so that made it not 100% natural anymore.   but this stuff is amazing.  i use it on my face, my body, even my hair (i have hobbit hair.  big tendency to frizz out) and it works as an amazing smoothing lotion on my locks.  i gave a way a couple of jars for xmas gifts, and people are hooked.  i don't think i'll ever buy lotion at a store again.

i LOVE that it's made of food grade stuff.  everything in it (with the exception of the fragrance oil) can be eaten.  remember, the skin is the largest organ of the body, and i like the idea that no unpronounceables are going onto it.  the next batch im thinking of making will be coffee scented, i'm just going to replace the filtered water with cold brewed coffee.  i can already smell the yummyness.......

i hate the hollidays

there.  i said it.  i am not a happy/sappy Christmas lover.  i don't like the tree. i hate the music.  i'm not fond of the food (fruitcake?  fruitcake should be classified as a weapon of mass destruction).  the TV specials run the gambit of sappy-cutesy to downright disturbing.  seriously, have you seen Rudolph the red nose reindeer lately?  Santa is a dick.  and i swear to Odin and all that i hold holy that the next person to sing "grandma got run over by a reindeer" will get a holly jolly boot in the poop shoot.

but it seems that the gods are not without a sense of humor.

my husband and son have an unholy love of the mistletoe.  the tree was put up during a marathon of the old stop motion flicks.  Bubby is a Santa-seeking missile.  gift buying was a two day affair, complete with fancy coffee (ok, so that i kinda dug on).

i don't get it.

i was told that once Bubby came along i'd suddenly have a love of this holiday.  lies.  all lies.  

letter to littles - Dec

it's the first of the month (not really, sorry, i'm writing this late), which means it's time for the Letters to the Littles.  i'm trying to write a letter to my kids once a month, it's a great exercise, and one i hope you will do to.  just remember, what you say on the Internet is there.  forever.  so don't say something that you're going to regret later.  be smart about it, ok?


Dear Princess, 
     13.  officially a teenager.  the crazyness of school, and boys, and hormones....  yep.  13.  i know we've had most of the major 'talks' (period, body image, birth control), and that things are changing and happening for you faster and in ways that you never imagined.  your dad and i try to respect your privacy, but it would be nice if  you'd come out of your room every once in a while ;)  being a teenager is a crazy time.  trust me i know, i was one a while ago (we're not going to talk about HOW long ago...)  but remember, i'm here for you to talk to when ever you need it.  even when you're at your bio-mom's house, all you have to do is call or send a text.  i will always answer you.  


Dear Bubby,
     this month has been crazy-cakes.  you and i are both adjusting to daddy's new work schedule (we're getting a pretty sweet deal you and me...the WHOLE bed to ourselves!!!)  (with no added snoring!), there has been more often than not sleeping through the night, and your vocabulary has probably doubled.  i love that you're more 'kissy' than you have been in past months.  i love me some baby kisses.  you're new favorite words are 'train' and 'careful'.  i posted pictures on my blog a few days ago about co-sleeping with you.  i hope when you're older you don't mind.  but people need to remember that co-sleeping is safe as long as it's done correctly, and those pictures show that.  it helps that there adorable...  


To Both of You,
     i love you.  so very much.  


Mommy

Wordless. what co-sleeping really looks like

it's a book... it's a shelf... it's a BOOK-shelf

you know of my obsession with pintrest.  i love it.  lurve.  it's a way to make me feel artistic and creative, and doesn't actually make me have to produce anything.

yeah, i know, i'm a quandary, wrapped in an enigma, wrapped in a big ole blanket of wtf.

one thing i loved on pintrest was the floating book shelf.  it was pinned originally from here .  and is just all kinds of awesome that i can't even begin to describe it.

so i just did it.

start out with your supplies.  a hard cover book (that you don't ever plan on reading again), 2 L brackets, and 8 screws, a pen, a drill with both a small drill bit and a screw bit

place the brackets flush with the 'raw' edge of the book, and mark the holes with the pen.

drill the holes.  try not to cry because you just DRILLED INTO A BOOK!!!!! 

(yes, i know, special level of hell for book destroyers, yada yada)

once the holes are drilled, screw in the brackets.

place the book where you want it (tip: use a level.  trust me), mark the holes, drill and attach with screws

not bad, huh? 

floating book shelf.  awesome.

according to hubby, it's very "me"

letter to littles - nov

This month I'm going to do it a little different.  This is a letter to both of you. 

My dear babies...  I promise to:

Have a shoulder to cry on when your heart gets stomped on. 

Chase the monsters out from under your bed.

Teach you right from wrong.

Let you decide which is which.

Tell you when you have on too much make up.

Remind you to be a gentleman.

Never stop kissing you.

Always check that you're still breathing at night. (Yes, Princess, even you)

Embarass you if I have to. 

Love you unconditionaly.

Make you eat your veggies.

Teach you responsibility.

Give you respect.

Expect it in return.

Make you laugh when you don't want to smile.

Make you smile when you want to cry.

Let you cry when you need to.

Stand up to the bullies.

Sit and listen.

Hold you.

Love you.

Like you.

Let you be you.

Mommy

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ok, so i've been absent

i skipped out on the last days of NaBloWriMo.  there's no other word for it.  my brain just said 'no more'.  i still love it, it's still a great excercise, and i'm going to do it again next year.  between the Omaha Witch Walk, starting the VinLand Foundation, and the fact that someone figured out the laundry chute...  my brain just said....  done.

and this just hasn't been a good week.  (i mentioned the laundry chute, right?)  this is the last week that hubby and i will be on the same shift.  at least for a while.  sometimes what works best for the family, isn't what mommy wants.  i'll deal.  it's just going to be a change in the morning/work time routine.  i like working with hubby.  i love it.  but he isn't happy working days.  he's a night guy.  and it works best for everyone because this will leave someone at home if there are any unexpected child-care issues.  we've been damn lucky so far, and i'm not expecting that luck to hold.

in other news, i've decided i'm going to hand make as much of my yule list as i can.  i know, it's already november, so i've gotten a late start.  i'm not expecting to get everything made, but i've already started on my moms gift (no mom, i'm not telling you).  for bubby, i've found a pattern on ravelry for a knit t-rex.  i'm going to do it in orange and teal, just like buddy from dinosaur train.

now if you'll excuse me, i'm going to put a padlock on the laundry chute.  

Nine Noble Virtues - Dicipline

i woke up yesterday knowing i wasn't going to blog.  i gave myself permission from the very beginning to not blog.  it was my anniversary.  the witch walk was the day before.  i had a lot to do, and a desperate need to decompress.  not a great example of discipline, i know.  but the other things HAD to be done, and honestly, blogging is not the highest priority.

but all the things that HAD to get done, got done.

so i guess it's a pretty good example after all

Nine Noble Virtues - Courage.

i'm writing this now, because i know i won't have time later today.  the Omaha Witch Walk is at 7 (meeting at 6:30) and pretty much from a 1/2 hour from now on, i'm going to be like a chicken with it's head cut off.  no matter what happens today at the walk, i'm considering it a win.  on the website alone we raised over $400, and that's not counting the raffle tickets that we sold in person.  that is amazing to me.  which is where today's noble virtue comes in.   courage.

this is scary.  to spearhead this walk, to start this non-profit....  i'm shaking in my pointy shoes.  not because of the 'mission' of the non-profit, but because no matter how 'out of the broom closet' i am, this puts me out there on a whole new level.  this isn't anymore 'hay heather, you know her'.  it's now 'who is this witch, and why does she want my money?'

but it's something i have to do.

there's no rhyme or reason to it, other than i want to help people.  that's why i got started in my job.  but honestly, i don't really help people there.  oh, i get them the help they need.  but it's not me helping them.  (and to be perfectly honest, the help they need usually isn't the help they want, that's the sad sad reality of 911)  so this is a way that i can really help people that really need it.

so no matter how much i am afraid.  no matter how much i obsess about what will happen when i fail (not if, when.  my brain works that way.).  no matter how much scarier the prospect of succeeding is....  i'm doing this.

and that is courage.  

Nine Noble Virtues : Hospitality

i'm running out of blog fodder.  my last few days of blogs have been just a paragraph or two.  nothing to....  write home about.  so i thought i'd revisit something i wrote earlier in the month.  i'm going to take a noble virtue  and write about it every day.  today is hospitality.

here's what i wrote at the beginning of the month:
Hospitality.  Act within the best interests of everyone.  Make the world a better place. Make everyone feel welcome.  This are just a couple of examples of hospitality.  And yes, I know, you're never going to be able to act in EVERYONES best interests, but even just trying to come up with a way to do so, helps.  Its the whole "manifestation of thought " principal.  (I had a $20 phrase, I had to use it)


all of that still holds true (of course it's only been a couple of days, of COURSE it still holds true).  but one phrase in that "make everyone feel welcome" is key.  not everyone feels welcome in the world.  these are tough times.  more so for some than others (insert OWS soap box here, i'm not going to).  and a lot of people could use help, they just don't know how to ask for it.  I mean, there's Catholic Charities, Lutheran Family Services, Salvation Army...  all wonderful organizations that help a multitude of people, but....  noticing a theme here?

where can an openly Pagan person turn if they need assistance?  i know that each and every one of these organizations would help out a Pagan in need.  but would a Pagan feel comfortable enough to ask one of these places?  i can't say that i would be.

now, this is something that, at the moment, is near and dear to my heart.  i'm not sure if you follow me on twitter or facebook (and to lesser extent google plus),  but i've begun the process to start a non-profit.  it's not going to be anything big to start out, i know, but it's going to be somewhere that Pagans can turn to for warm coats, maybe a gift certificate to help with the mortgage, or a hot meal on a Sabbat.

i'm doing this with my friend Jen, another openly Pagan wonder-mom here, and we're starting small (we're just at the beginning, haven't even really picked out a name yet).  really small.  like, one family at a time as we hear about them.  i've already got a little list going from some of my Pagan blog-buddies that i know are going through hard times, and we'll start there.

but in the interest of hospitality, one of the nine noble virtues, will you help?  if you know of a Pagan family (or even non pagan, just someone that needs assistance), let me know.  

i missed yesterday

with everything that's been going on with my foot, with the witch walk, with starting up a non profit (which is a lot trickier than i thought it would be)...  i blanked out yesterday on blogging altogether.  yeah, i'm a horrible blogger.  call me names, i'm up for it.  i'll write two blogs today to make up for it (and yes, this totally counts as one of them).  that way i'll still hit my 31 blogs, though not technically in the spirit of the challenge.

and least i didn't do a 'look a bunny' post...

Mah dogs are in fire!

I've had plantar ficeitus before.  It went away.  This feels different somehow.  Every step is excruciating. I don't want to go to work, go to the gym, anything.  Hells, I don't want to get out of bed in the morning. Because I know its going to hurt so much.  Its getting to the point that I'm not sure I can make it to my appointment on Tuesday. 

So you'll have to forgive me if this is short, again, but its been a very long and, yes, pain fullday. 

just a quick one

i'm not going to post anything that's even my usual (short) length.  i turned 37 today.  so i'm just going to enjoy my birthday.  

Ouchie

My feet hurt. Or more specific, my foot.  See, these a good chance that I've torn the muscle in my foot that holds up my arch.  And that hurts like hell. It feels like the bottom of mt foot is alternately like dull needles are being jabed into my foot, and its on fire.  I see the orthpedic sergon on Tuesday.  Tuesday.  They day before Wednesday. Wednesday, that is in fact the Witch Walk.  Nature apparently has a sense of humor.

So baring a miracle, I won't actually be WALKING the Witch Walk.  But hey, somebody has to watch the raffle prizes, right...

looking back

in a week, hubby and i will be celebrating our 5 year anniversary.  and i have to say that this has been the best 5 years of my life.

we got married at what all the attendees thought was a halloween party.  no one knew they were there for a wedding until we started.  in fact, or wedding video is rife with my new brother in law saying "no.  wait.  they aren't.  are they?  oh my god i think they are.  no freaking way."  we wrote our own vows.  we were dressed like pirates.  i was asked so many times in the days after the ceremony that i had a tshirt made that simply said "not pregnant".  that seemed to help.

we've worked at the same place, the same hours and same days off.  people have called us crazy for doing so. 'i could never work with my husband'.  i simply reply "i like him". though this somehow never ends the conversation.  at least not for long.

hubby is very 'even keeled'.  sometimes stoic.  i always tell people that im more than emotional for the both of us.  his calm demeanor is what sometimes keeps me from fulfilling an admittedly rage full streak i have a mile wide.  he is the port to my storm.

he keeps me rooted in reality, while still allowing me to dream.  and we make dreams together.  i would have never gotten married again, owned a home, had a child i grew myself, or started a non-profit (working on that one) were it not for him and his support.

we've allowed each other to change.  he's gone from star wars geek, to swarthy pirate, to sports nut in the past 5 years.  and i've loved every change.  i've changed myself.  from massive tom boy to, dare i say it, kinda girly. all with his blessing.

i've never been happier than these last five years.  and i won't say that i'm looking forward to the next five years.  i'm looking forward to the next hundred.

Mark Tomasello, i love you.  i have never loved anyone as much as i love you.  and i never will.  Happy Anniversary (a bit early)

Of pounds and prizes

Since I posted my last rant about weight loss, I'm down 6pounds.  (Most days)  not exactly the numbers that i was hoping for, but then again, I'm not exactly putting in a herculean effort into it.  Its all been about getting into a good routine at the gym.  And I think I've done that.  I got 3 or 4 times a week, working out a different zone each time.  (Upper, core, lower)  I even went and had the "free one time" personal training session that the gym offered when i signed up.  Yes, I know that they only offer a free one to get you to buy a package, but I explained to her right away that i was NOT going to do that, and she was awesome.  She helped me figure out where I was, where I needed to be, and gave me a rough plan on how to get there and how long it will take to get there. Never tried to pressure me into buying something.
And yes, 99% of loosing weight is diet.  I know that.  Did it stop me from eating 1/2 a carton if Phish Food? Nope.  But it did stop me from eating the WHOLE carton, and I think that's a kind of progress, don't you?
So I'm putting together a little list of what I'm going to get for myself at every 10 pounds I loose that i keep off for a week.  These are things that im interested in, that i want, but wouldn't normally get, either because of budget or because I talk myself out of it as frivilous.  I love the word frivilous, don't you? Its like "not only is it silly, its so far beyond silly, that it has its own name".  But I digress.  These are things that i just wouldn't normally get myself.
Oh, and I'm kinda telling you exactly where I'm at now, which I thought long and hard about whether I was going to share with you or no.   But f Im going to do this publicly, I might as well go whole hog. Pun very much intended.  Here goes. 
Once I'm under:
220 - bare minerals make up
210 - lace weight yarn to make a shawl/scarf
200 - tattoo
190 - $50 gift card to amazon.com
180 - buy something, anything, from the Museum Replicas catalog
170 - membership to the zoo
160 - bamboo dpn's in every size
150 - $100 shopping spree at Hobby Lobby
So who's with me?

with the sour comes the sweet

today was kind of craptastic.

it started out wonderful.  waking up to my sweet boy's face.  or rather my sweet boy punching me in the face.  one of the two.  i'm still a little fuzzy on that.  then i had to drop my little man off with my parents, which, while ideal in a lot of respects, still sucks, because it's time away from him.  and someone at work said something careless and that pissed me off for the rest of the day.  and the crazies were out in legion. something i really wanted to arrive in the mail didn't.  which made me remember the logo that was supposed to go in the mail two weeks ago is still on my desk (sorry ImNotHannah, i'll get  it in the mail tomorrow.  but most likely wednsday). Princess decided that she wanted to spend the weekend with her bio-mom because she hadn't seen her all week.  add a less than stellar weights work out... i'm in such a mood that i skipped my Stitch N Bitch with my besties.


but interspersed in that were little sparkles of joy.  bubby made his own choices in his dinner (chicken tender, grapes, and sun chips, with strawberry milk).  two more donations were made for the Omaha Witch Walk.  i worked out the details with Nuclear Ink Custom Tattoo and Piercing to pick up the grand prize for the raffle.  i got lots of little man cuddles.  as i type i'm watching 'my boys' hack at each other with pirate swords.

all in all, not so bad i guess.

Sorry

It's been a long day, and I'm very tired.  So ill be pithy and snarky tomorrow. Promise

my most controversial post yet. but still nothing to do with occupy wall street.

werewolves will always be cooler than vampires.  there.  i said it.  i know it's 'hip' and 'with it' to say you like vampires more, but it's just not so.  so yeah, i'll be the bad guy and lay it out for you.

1. werewolves don't sparkle.  nor did anyone try to make them sparkle in order to sell a book.
2. werewolves can be killed one way.  silver.  preferably through the heart.  vampires can, lets face it, be killed with shabby window treatments at dawn.
3. it takes money to be a vampire.  you need the clothes, the cars, the castles...  werewolves need only a hobo sack and a relatively safe place to crash once a month
4. vampires look anemic.  seriously, they look like a stiff wind would snap em in twain.  werewolves however look like Gerard Butler in 300.  and i likes me some meat on my supernatural creatures.
5. vampires have boy band hair.  that's just not cool.
6. werewolves are a thinly veiled nod to our base and animal natures.  vampires are a nod to the 1% and their fancy opera cloaks (ha!  i got an occupy wall street joke in there!

and possibly the most important reason

     7.  vampires are humorless dicks.  have you EVER heard one crack a joke?

so there you go.  now you know why werewolves are better. 

Second Breakfast

ok my loves, it's recipe time!  this is a new one in the VNH household, but it's quickly becoming a favorite.  i came up with it on the fly in a bout of 'use it or loose it' cooking.  it is, dare i say, the nums.  and yes, it is named after the hobbits in LOTR.

Second Breakfast

preheat oven to 350, and grease up a 9x13 pan
18 eggs
1lb of turkey sausage
2c shredded cheese
fresh ground pepper
kosher salt
Tony Chachere's Original Creole Seasoning


brown the pound of turkey sausage, crack and whisk the eggs, putting them in the greased pan.  add the sausage when it's brown, the cheese and the seasoning/salt/pepper to taste.  pop in the oven for 30 min, or until no longer wiggly in the center.  let cool, cut into squares and put in your favorite grab n go containers to have in the fridge when you need them.

when you're ready for them:
heat for 30 seconds and top with more cheese, or buffalo sauce, or (my favorite) sour cream

enjoy!!!

i'm blessed

and i don't mean in the normal every day "i'm awesome cause i'm me" blessed.  i have awesome friends.

after yesterdays post, i got a huge amount of support messages from my friends, both ones i know in person and those i've never met in real life.  i know i'm not going to be doing this alone.  it's a huge undertaking, but i'm not by myself in it.  i have support, even if it's a tweet of encouragement.  (and not to put too fine a point on it, but i'm also getting new donations for the raffle, so bonus!)

i love you all.  you know who you are.  warm wet lickory kisses to each and every one of you

i'm scared spitless

and yes, i know what you read.  that's what i meant.  (and to be honest, i kinda hear it in samuel l jackson's voice, but that may be just me)

in two weeks the Omaha Witch Walk has their first annual walk.  the first.  which means it's never been done before.  and i'm doing it.  putting it on from start to finish.  i've never done this before.  i've never started from the ground up putting on a charity walk.  let alone a themed walk for a specific charity and purpose.

what i'm doing is important.  and the reasons that i'm doing them is even more so.  but i'm scared that i can't pull it off.  i'm scared that it's going to tank something awful.  and that we'll never get past the first year.  and this is something that i want to do every year.  something that i'm making a company with my friend Jen to ensure that it's done every year.  something that i want to be HUGE.  this is just the first step.  and first steps are scary.

scary.  like wakes me up from a dead sleep after a dream that no one showed up.  like my phone ate an email, and we're a week behind where i wanted to be.  (but the OI foundation was totally on the ball and put together in HOURS what i thought would take days)  but first steps are also beginnings.  where you start.  and how you get somewhere great.

you just have to.......  step

Poetry

I used to write poetry all the time. Volumes. Now its a only very occasionly thing. But here goes

Sweet boy. Lying next to me
Smelling of milk.
Do you understand the
Ferocity
Of my love?
The cities I would burn
For your smile?
You are the last great
Love
Of my life.
Your daddy was the first.
So sleep
Sweet boy.
Dreaming baby dreams
As I kiss your forehead.

well that sucks

i've been knitting a slouchie beanie hat.  the pictures on the pattern look amazing.  super comfy, super cool, super (dare i say it) hip.

and nothing like the hat that i just knitted.

i know it's just 'knitters let down', but i'm still pretty pissed

Dear 15 year old me

Dear 15 year old me,
     hi.  i've come from the future to give you a message.  some of it's good, some of it's bad.  just listen.  it's important.  oh, and don't get your hopes up about the 'time travel' thing.  H.G.Wells was a fraud.

•      stop trying to fit in.  it's not going to work.  instead how about you be comfortable with who you are?  that will work out much better for you in the years to come
• yes, black goes with everything.  but how about saving your mother a lot of worry and throw a couple of other colors in there as well, huh?  seriously.  give the woman a break
• you will never understand Jackson Pollack.  stop trying.
• boys will break your heart.  and it will hurt worse each time it happens.  but never ever be afraid to try again.  there is one out there.  an honest to gods true love.  and he is worth every tear the others made you cry.
• you don't want children.  that's fine.  you won't for another 20 years.  but someday you will.  and you'll get them.  and it's not like you think it will be.  it's so much better.
• the winning lottery numbers are 5,16,42,8, & 2.  however, you never buy the ticket.
• when you finally come out of the 'broom closet', mom and dad are exceptionally cool.  you'll wonder why you were hesitant to tell them.  
• there is a book series called Twilight.  just...  no.  save yourself the aggravation   
• yes, you just read the bell jar and didn't think anything was too weird about it.  you're going to read it again in 3-4 years and wonder why your parents didn't have you locked up in the mental ward.  trust me, you don't see it now, but that book is all kinds of effed up.  
• there will be a show called firefly.  it will mean a great deal to you.  i'd tell you more, but you'll want to see for yourself.
• don't let anyone give you crap about not driving till you're 17.  if you're not ready, you're not ready.  life will unfold for you at it's own pace.  not someone else s.  because then it would be their life, not yours.
• no, she's not going to change.  yes, she gets worse.  you're just going to have to deal with her as she is.  you know who i'm talking about.
• you are not the sum of your parts. 

     and finally

• there will come a time when you are going to hit your groove and everything will be perfict.  try not to ruin it by trying to figure out what the price you will have to pay is going to be.  you're going to do it anyway, just try.  that's all i'm asking

    your 37 (in two weeks) self,

                    heather

I'm knitting

I'm actually in bed knitting and writing this.post on my phone.  Watched the foosball all day and never got my post in. I had PLENTY of time for pintrest and revelry, not enough to blog apparently.  It's not helping that Bubby is drooling on my arm. 

I found a very cool pattern for a slouchy bennie hat.  I'm knitting it up in a great pumpkin color.  I love me some Orange. 

Think I'm going to bed now, before I not...type...so good.

i spy bottle

i think you know of my love/even-more-love relationship i have with pintrest.  it's the dev-o.  there is so much there that it's hard not to feel a bit.... overwhelmed.  but if you can muddle through and organize enough, you can usually find the gems, the things that you can actually use in your real life.

one thing is the i spy bottle.

there are several versions on pintrest, and they are all flippin awesome.  and bubby is getting to the age where he likes to explore and tell you what he sees.  so it was time to make one myself.  here's a quick instructable.

first start with the following: a bottle with a cap, a funnel, a spoon, rice, and things to put in the bottle.

we of course used little star wars figures, pumpkins, and itty bitty pots and pans from a doll house.  oh and beer caps.  be sure to check the size of the objects.  Yoda didn't fit.  

spoon the rice into the bottle via the funnel,  when you've got a good layer, add in all the toys, then cover with more rice.  be sure to leave enough room at the top for the rice to be able to move around.  otherwise you just have a bottle of rice.  and that's not fun to play with.  

put the cap on the bottle and watch your little one have fun spying the different objects.  i plan on gluing the cap on after he goes to bed.  i can see rice all over the floor if i don't.

awesome, huh?

it's geek night! booyah!

just a quick post tonight.  the guys are coming over for our bi-weekly rpg.  we're still playing dragonage, but i think star wars will be starting up again soon.  right now i'm an axe wielding dwarf.  i'm awesome.

having the guys over involves cleaning the house, so i've been at it since i got home from Bubby and C's play date (though i hate the term play date. i'd rather just say that i hung out with J while the boys played) i was decked out in full witchy gear.  my mom made me an apron with a kitchen witch on it, so of COURSE i had to wear it the entire time.  Frigga was very happy.  (on the same note, i've started doing a nightly prayer to the gods.  that's something i haven't done since i was, oh, i don't know... seven.  i like it.)

so, about to scarf some bread and cheese before the guys get here.  mmmmm, cheese.

Wordless wednsday - tiny top hat edition

I love my embroidery machine.  As if you couldn't tell.  But I'm really loving the... unexpected things that it can do.  Like make lace. 

take these parts

sew them together like this

and this

then put them all together, but hopefully take a picture that comes out right way up

it's red wine with mac n cheese, right?

it's five o clock.  i'm eating my dinner.  yellow cheese type pasta shaped like a cartoon race car, with garlic salt and sour cream added.  drinking a glass or red wine.  cause i'm all fancy.  i think it's possible i've been out of the world too long.  it's possible that i have not been out of the house except to go to work or to the grocery store for several months.  i know this because i'm super excited that a new backyardigans is avilable on netflix.

so hubby and i are going to have a date night on friday.  we're planing on going bowling.  and i am absurdly looking for ward to it.  we haven't been on a date night in....  yeah, i don't remember.  but i'm pretty sure i spent the entire time texting my mother asking if Bubby had been attacked by the roomba.  (serioulsy, that thing will kill someone some day.  what's the name of the company?  irobot.  am i the ONLY one who saw the movie????)  so a date night is much needed.

almost didn't get it in today

i got caught up in embroidery.  seriously.  you think it's just a matter of picking out a pattern and pressing a button.  no.  i had thread issues.  MASSIVE thread issues.  (note to self, thread that is quite possibly from the 1970's....  not so much for embroidery.  just sayn')  and needle issues.  and stabilizer issues.  but i've got the top hat completely embroidered.  i'm going to give it to mom for a halloween gift.  i'll post pics of the construction phase for wordless wednsday.

anywho...


today's blog prompt from NaBloWriMo is 'if you could be any character from a book, who would you be'.  that is easy peasy.  though admittedly, there is a great pool from which to choose.  i could be Hermione.  The White Queen. Dresden.  all of those would be awesome.  but i have to say, 100%, unquestionably, i would be Sybil Vimes.

what do you mean you don't know who Sybil is?  i don't even KNOW you anymore!!!  (yes, a bit dramatic, but it's the same conversation i have with hubby every year or so).

Sibyl Vimes is an (admittedly) minor character in the Discworld series by Terry Pratchett.  she never saved the world (except in a round about way), she never started a war, or was the deus ex machena.  but she is the baddest, most kick ass character in my literary world.  why?  because she grows.  she goes from being a jolly, friendly, sometimes soppy intellectual in Guards! Guards! to a woman who sets an entire pen of dragons on a dwarf that invades her home in Thud! (best line ever (in context) 'good boys!)

i identify with Sibyl.  i can easily see myself as the girl with the 'great personaliy' that throws herself into a hobby.  then, when unexpectedly, and late in life, love finds her, she embraces the roles of wife and mother, even protectress.  she lives her reality, even when it's in change.  that takes guts.

so while there's not a book just about Sibyl, she is to me one of the most important characters there is.  without her Sam Vimes would still be drunk in a gutter and the Patrician would have no fun at all.

and if none of that makes sense to you here's your library list:

Guards! Guards!
The Night Watch
Thud!

all by Terry Pratchett.

go read them now.  then tell me Sybil isn't the bomb.

The nine noble virtues

In heathen society (of which I think I'm now a member), there is a broad code of ethics that pretty much universally heathens subscribe to.  Its called the nine noble virtues.  They are : courage, discipline, fidelity, honor, hospitality, industriousness, perseverance, self-reliance, and truth.  Its kind of like a road map of how to live with integrity, the way a heathen should.  They are pretty universal on how to live a good life anyway.  Here's how I see them;

Courage.  'Speak your mind even if your voice shakes'  is what I think of when i think of courage.  Its not just the ability to fight, but the ability to simply speak up when you're terrified.  Courage is something I need to work on. 

Discipline. Discipline isn't about going to the gym every day, or vowing to never have another candy bar ever again.  Discipline is about going to work everyday when you want to be on the couch. About making sure the bills are paid, the bathroom gets painted, and the laundry is done.  Its about doing the little things that have to get done. 

Fidelity.  Fidelity is sticking with it.  With whatever it is for as long as it takes.  Sticking with a friendship, a marrage, a family member, a god, anyone.  No matter how difficult the path gets.  Admittedly, sometimes relationships end, but with fidelity, you've at least given it your best effort, and done everything gyou can to keep with it. (Conversly though, sometimes you have to let go to move on, you know?)

Honor.  Honor means, broadly, doing what is right, no matter what.  And sometimes that is the hardest thing in the world to do.  I mean think about it, how many times a day do you do something that you know is not 'right' even if it's 'legal?

Hospitality.  Act within the best interests of everyone.  Make the world a better place. Make everyone feel welcome.  This are just a couple of examples of hospitality.  And yes, I know, you're never going to be able to act in EVERYONES best interests, but even just trying to come up with a way to do so, helps.  Its the whole "manifestation of thought " principal.  (I had a $20 phrase, I had to use it)

Industriousness. This one I'd like to think I've got in spades.  Industriousness boils down to finding your gifts and honing them. Be productive. Do that voo doo that you doo so well.  Me, I'm crafty.  A lot.  So expect even more of that.

Perseverance.  If at first you don't succeed, dust yourself off, figure out what went wrong, try again.  Basicly, keep at it till its the best you can do.  This kind of goes hand in hand with fidelity.

Self-reliance. Not just being able to do for yourself, but also taking responsibility for your actions.  Put your ideas into action, then stand behind the action. 

Truth.  Ahhh, here's the tricky one.  Because its not just speaking the truth, its living the truth.  Being true to yourself, your dieties, and to your society.  Real truth. 

These are things that I'm trying to encorperate into my every day life.  Some I've got down, some I need a lot of work on. 

NaBloWriMo and Letters to the Littles

it's october first!  it's officially NaBloWriMo!!!!  i'm very excited.  i had so much fun last year, so this year will be even better!!!  (and you thought you got sick of me writing only once a week....)


it's also the first of the month, which means it's time for the Letters to the Littles.  i'm trying to write a letter to my kids once a month, it's a great exercise, and one i hope you will do to.  just remember, what you say on the Internet is there.  forever.  so don't say something that you're going to regret later.  be smart about it, ok?

Dear Princess,
     this has been kind of a trying month for all of us.  you're getting more independent, and quickly becoming more and more of a teenager.  i still think you make good decisions, don't worry about that, you're smart (smarter than you realize).  but you have to remember that we have rules at our house for a reason.  we're in charge of helping you become the best and most wonderful person that you can be.  and that requires boundaries and responsibilities.  so i'm sorry, but no matter how much you want it to, that's not going to change. because i love you.  fiercely.  but when it all boils down to it, i'm not your friend.  i'm your parent.  and i will be there for you long after your friends have come and gone.  i will always love you.  i will always accept you with open arms.  but i have a responsibility to you and to society to lead you to become the best person you can be.  and that involves putting away the dishes and doing laundry and watching your brother.
     your birthday is next month (gads, officially a teen!!!) and i've already started making you gifts.  i think you'll love them.
    i love you

                 Mom


Dear Bubby,
     this month has given us so much with you.  more words.  the beginning of sentences.  daredevil tendencies like leaping off the coffee table.  i see a lot of er visits in our future.  but they will be well spoken er visits.  you're very daddy-centric this month.  and i'm ok with that.  the two of you have been all about football.  it's adorable to see the two of you watching the game together.  you even know when daddy says 'touchdown' you have to say 'touchdown' too.  that's not to say you haven't been mommy-centric too.  you have.  you're very cuddly.  and you love nose kisses (for about 3 seconds).  you're a good mix of the two.
     you're also testing your boundaries.  sometimes repeatedly in the same 5 minute period.  and to be honest, there are times that you strain the gentile parenting that your daddy and i are trying to cultivate.  we've used a lot of 'time outs' this month, and i'm not sure they work, but i don't know of anything else to do when you start hitting and headbutting (where did you learn that anyway?  i'm pretty sure that papa doesn't headbutt!). thankfully the biting has stopped for the most part.
     you're starting to have favorites.  favorite show (cars), favorite fruit (apple!!!), and favorite thing in the world (TRUCKS!!!!).  i'm hoping that we can put off the 'mine' phase for a while, but im not counting on it.  i hope the cuddly phase lasts...
     i love you
             Mom

this isn't a throw away post, i promise

ok, it's kind of a throw away, in that it's just a quick recap because i've been 'busy' again.  or still.  or whatever.

broke my toe.  horrible and gross pictures on facebook/twitter/google+.  we'll just cut to the chase and say that i hate baby gates.  there evil.  they won't be happy till i'm dead.  or zombified.  i'm not sure that they care which.  THAT'S how evil they are.  i'm so very very happy that we are coming to the end of the baby gate stage.  i'll take them all out in the back yard and put them in the bonfire.  i wanna watch them burn.

NaBloWriMo  starts in just a few days.  i really really hope that this year i don't have another 'hay look a bunny' post.  but lets face it.  i probably will.

Omaha Witch Walk is going really well.  we have a date and time, and even a place to start and finish.  just a few more phone calls and i'll be ready for big announcements.

had a fairly religious/spiritual experience at the gym the other day.  i'm not going to go into details, but it was awesome and wonderful, and just totally confirmed that i'm on the right path right now.  it's very exciting and squee worthy.  it almost makes up for the broken toe/i want to burn all the baby gates thing.  ok, it totally makes up for it.  it. was. awesome.

ok, think you're all caught up for the moment.  

Time flies when youre dizzy-ing-ly busy

Its been a couple of weeks since my last blog post.  And while I'd love to say its because I'm saving up all my good stuff for NaBloWriMo next month, I've just been busy.  Too busy to blog.  I know, its hard to believe, but trust me, it happens.  And no, I wasn't just on pintrest or cleaning my kitchen over and over again. (Though it could use a good scrubbng again.....)


I've joined a gym. Which is kinda awesome, and a lot painful. I've already lost a couple of pounds, and I'm starting to see some definition in my arms.  Arms are by far my favorite part.  I love working them, and love looking at them.  That little divit where the bicep and the tricep meet....mmmmmmm.  So I've been going a couple of times a week. Still have to get into a regular routine.  But like I said, I'm already seeing the benifits, and I love it.  Plus, to be honest, its a little time for myself that isnt just about getting dinner, or cleaning, or taking care of Hubby and Bubby.  I've always hated the term 'me time' but now I understand it.  A little time each day to remind myself I'm not just the sum of my parts.


The main thing that's been keeping my attention though... the Omaha Witches Walk.  Its a fundraiser for the Osteogenisis Imperfecta foundation that I've been organizing.  Its super short notice, and to be honest, I'm considering it a win if we raise even $200, but its been keeping me pretty busy.  I've never organized something like this from the ground up before, I'll admit, its daunting.  From picking dates (which we haven't yet) to figuring out logos and flyers.... like I said, daunting.  I've got a great mentor in this however.  Mrs. B from Confessons of a Pagan Soccer Mom is on her second annual walk in New Jersey, and she's been an awesome help. (If you're in the Jersey area, please check it out!)  I'd like this to turn into an annual walk, and maybe create a non profit to run it, but that's way in the future. 


I need to balance out my time a little more, especially with NaBloWriMo next month, a blog a day can be dauntng too!

stick it to da barista!

i don't know about you, but i love fall.  the changing of the leaves, the comfy sweaters and boots, and the coffee.  yes, i am a coffee addict.  i'd go to a meeting, but there all held at $tarbuck$.  and i don't have the kind of scratch that my coffee addiction requires.  $4-5 a coffee (several coffees a day) is just a weeeeeeeeeee bit out of my price range.  so with a little patience and a lot of research i've come up with a list of what i consider to be the best resources for making your own fru-fru coffee at a fraction of the price.

cause if you can't afford it, fake it.


http://www.squawkfox.com/2011/06/16/frappuccino-recipe/
this site gives you excellent step by step instructions on how to fake a frappuccino. it's just the beginning of September, so we may have a few more hot days where this will be just what the doctor ordered.


http://www.closetcooking.com/2009/11/pumpkin-pie-white-hot-chocolate.html
pumpkin pie white hot chocolate.  the name says it all.  i want a cup now.  like NOW! lets get on that ok!

http://www.food52.com/recipes/11227_coffee_syrup
if you've never made coffee syrup before, this site is a great resource. you make a huge batch ahead of time, with very little effort. all you have to do is heat up your portion when you're ready, and boom, awesome coffee faster than fast.  and it's good too!  seriously, you can't tell the difference from the expensive stuff.

http://cravingcomfort.blogspot.com/2011/07/last-iced-coffee-recipe-youll-ever-need.html
here's another great iced coffee resource. and pretty super simple too.

http://angelaharris.hubpages.com/hub/Starbucks-Coffee-Drinks-Recipe-Clones
this is a list on my list.  but it's an awesome list.  it gives you fakes of every $tarbuck$ recipe you can think of.  and not just the drinks, the food too.  a.maz.ing.


http://www.cooklikeachampionblog.com/2010/09/pumpkin-spice-syrup-for-pumpkin-spice.html

this is the creme de la creme.  pumpkin spice syrup.  this is what makes the pumpkin spice late so damn wonderful.  i don't think i'll be stopping with coffee.  i'm thinking ice cream.


so that's the list.  it's by no means comprehensive, and i'm sure there are some other wonderful fakes out there.  and if so, please share.  also, i tired to get permission from each of the websites to link to their posts, but no one answered me, so if one of these sites is yours and you don't want it on my blog, please let me know, i'll take it down.

enjoy your coffee everybody

it's not you, it's me

i joined a gym yesterday.  and as i posted on twitter, once i'm under 200 for a week, i'm getting my wrist tattooed.  most likely by Jesse at Nuclear Ink. i went to college with him, and love his artwork.  these two things, along with a facebook comment about me not being ok with myself (ha!) has led me to feel i need to clarify something:

i'm not doing this for you.

i'm not loosing weight because i want you to think i'm hot.  i don't feel the need to fit myself into some ideal that i had no hand in creating.  i don't want to look like a particular person to make you like me more.  i'm already hot, i'm already ideal, and to be frank, i don't need you to like me if my outward appearance is the only thing you base friendship on.

i'm doing this for myself.  i'm selfish about my children.  see, i love them.  and i want to be there for as much of their life as possible.  and i also want them to be in my life for as long as they can.  and the ONE thing i can control in that is weight, both mine and theirs.  so by feeding them good healthy food and giving them a positive role model in exercise, i'm making sure that we stick together.

at over 200 and climbing (as my GYN felt the need to point out last week), i'm not going to be around for as long as i want.  so i'm fixing that.  i'm making better choices.  because it's my choices that got me here.  lets be honest, i make crap food choices.  even when i'm choosing not processed food, i'm eating pretty big quantities of the food i'm eating.  and it's not genetics that's doing this to me.  look at my kids. there both skinny, strong, and neither one of them have an ounce of fat on them if left to their own devices.  so it's not my genes, it's my choices.  so starting now, i'm going to make better choices in both quality/quantity of food and exercise.

and the tattoo is something i've wanted for a while.  it's a prize.  something to commemorate a pretty damn big deal.

not for you.  for me.  

Letter to Littles

I love this idea from TouchstoneZ about writing a letter to my children each month.  it's a beautiful idea, because they change daily.  i'd like to try to do this on the first of every month, but i'm not going to make it a hard and fast rule.  so here goes:

Princess,
   you are just two months shy of your birthday, and almost a teenager.  you're growing up so fast, and the world is throwing so much at you at once that i sometimes get scared for you.  i know you can handle anything that the universe throws at you, but i want to shield you from as much of the bad stuff as possible.  you're starting to flex your independent muscle and take control of your life.  i love that.  you make good decisions, and it thrills me to no end when you back those decisions up with reasoning.  you are awesome.  but you don't give yourself enough credit sometimes, and you're a hell of a lot smarter and more awesome than you think you are.  but that's part of being a teenager, the self doubt.  so don't let it get to you.  just remember that you rock.  and rock hard.
     oh, and i'm proud of you for finally playing left 4 dead with out having to have all the lights on in the house.  awesome.

Bubby,
   you're slightly over one and a half.  to be honest, i stopped counting the months at 12.  anything after that should be in year (or 'and a half') increments.  you explore your world more and more every day.  and unfortunately for me, have no fear.  what you do have is a nice collection of bruises and scrapes, and at the moment a pretty large goose egg from trying to bounce yourself off nana and papa's headboard.  but you are the happiest and smiley-ist baby that i know, and you don't let anything get you down for long.  you smile at everyone you meet.  everyone.  and they all smile back.  there is something about your loving and open smile that just makes people happy.  you love to cuddle, but can be stingy with the kisses, those are for special occasions only i guess.  your vocabulary has grown by leaps and bounds, and so has your understanding of those words.  i can see sentences coming in the near future.  i can't wait for that.

i love you both.
momma

In art, as in life

Ive been cleaning up my sketchbooks lately. Both the big one I use for serious stuff and the little moleskin 'pocket' sketchbok I use as kind of an art journal thingy. (Thingy being a highly technical term, of course)  I've started to notice something about my work.  I do a lot of line drawing. They are simplistic, even cartoonish (I am still a bit rusty after all). But most of what I notice is that i use a lot of negative space.  With my work, its as much about what I don't say as what I do.  To me that negative space is so important, that i dont want to muck it up by doodleing there.

The negative space lets the mind wander.  Lets it wonder.  Lets it think of all the mysterious and beautiful things that could be there.  Removes all limitations, and allows for endless possibilities. It allows the viewer to be an active participant in the art piece. Its as much about the viewer as the artist, each participating equally.

And I see a lot of that in life too.  Its as much what you DONT say or do in life as what you DO.  So let your negative space be your endless possibility. And make it as much about you as the people around you.

Hurry up and wait.

Ive been thinking a lot about homeschooling lately.  Like a lot a lot.  I know that bubby isn't even two yet, but I want to get everything all set up.  I'm that excited.  But I know realisticly that to even start a 'program' its going to be about 4 or 5 years away. Not that I'm even sure that a 'program' is what I want to do.  There's a big appeal to unschooling too.  But again, that's a few years away.

That being said, there are things I want him to know, not because they will be important for college (which I'm ehh on anyway, but that's another post) , but because they are important for life. 

     I want him to know how to plant a garden, to grow his own food. 
     To know when foods are in season, what to eat and when.
     He should know basic medical concepts. How to splint a broken bone and stop bleeding.
     Basic laundry care.  How to use the washing machine and the dryer.  Ideally how to fold laundry (and not just because I hate folding)
     Cooking and cleaning.  He doesn't need to love it, but he needs to know how to do it.  I don't want him to go to college or his first apartment not knowing how to care for himself when he's on his own.
     Home maitnance.  I dont want him to have to run to a plumber or contractor at every little disaster.
     Appreciation for art. I don't care if he never picks up a brush himself, but I'd like him to understand what others can create.
     Kindness. I want him to be nice to the waiter.  ("The person that is nice to you, but is not nice to the waiter is not a nice person" - I don't know who said it, but I love it)
     Other then those things, I just want the basics.  Reading, writing, and maths. 

I know that almost everything on that list I can start teaching him now.  And most likely I will start teaching him those things now.  In a compleetly unstructured 'lets make this fun' type of way. 

Oh wait, that is unschooling.

turns out a little crisis can be cathartic

you all know where i was yesterday, spiritually.  it was kind of an 'on the edge of the abyss'-y place, and quite frankly, a bit scary.  but i did just what i said i was going to do.  got a bottle of wine, lit a fire in the pit in the back yard, and just let everything run its course.  and it was wonderful.  P and i came to an understanding, and F officially stepped into my life.

it was cathartic.

ever since then, it's been like a weight has been lifted.  everything looks, feels, tastes different.  better.  more alive.  this is truly one of the best experiences of my life.  even the little mini basement flood because of the storm last night couldn't bring me down.  hardly any sleep (due to the mopping up), and still cleaned the kitchen almost top to bottom this morning.  i think that's pretty telling (hearth and home remember).

and for the first time in years, i've taken off the pentagram that i've worn every day.  it's been replaced with a smaller simple chain with amber drop beads.  i made it a couple of weeks ago during some mindless crafting as something to keep my hands occupied.

i think that's pretty telling too, don't you?

Im having a little itty bitty crisis of faith

I have always identified myself with Norse gods and Greek godesses.  Always.  I never even really looked into the Norse goddesses, just because I identified so much with the Greek ones.  I first became enamored or Artimes, then later when it was time to choose a patron goddess, Persephonie was the right fit for me.  There was something that was just so right about the love story between her and Hades.
But more and more ive been thinking of Frigg, the Norse mother goddess.  she is the wife of Odin (my patron god) and the patroness of mothers, wives, and homemakers.  And she's been kind of knocking on my door loud and clear of late. For all my posturing of being a 'modern woman' I love being a wife and mother.  I love cooking for my family. I even like sweeping (custom broom) and mopping (shark steam mop, best. invention. evar!!!).  So you can see how shed be right up my alley.  But its not just the hearth and home aspect.  She was also a 'natural magick' proponent. She didn't try to use potions and encantations to change the world, she used her own natural intuition and intelligence to guide her followers.  I kinda love that.  Not to mention that she was also fiercely equal with her husband Odin.  There are just so many aspects of Frigg that I resonate with. 
I don't know if its because ive 'grown as a person' (oh how I hate that phrase) or if my time with P has just run its course.  But with P it was always about the love story.  Every aspect of my relationship with her has related to her love of her husband.  Even the "do what you know is right even when everyone else tells you its wrong" bits.  And to be honest, Frigg kind of covers that too. 
So i think tonight I'll be opening a bottle of wine, lighting a fire, and looking for some answers.  Im pretty sure I'll have an answer by morning.

Wordless wednsday. I would rule the world if given enough chalkboard paint.

you know about the chalkboard table 

but there's also the wall in the Princess' room

and now my herb containers

close up.  i'm thinking of putting some up on etsy.

had to immortalize the first day of Princess at Jr high. 

she'll see it this weekend.  

a tale of two doctors

bubby had his 18 month check up yesterday.  hubby and i (mainly me) decided that this would be a good time to switch doctors.  see, we never really LIKED his previous doc.  don't get me wrong, she was a nice person, very concerned with her patients, and a very very capable doctor.  she just wasn't...  us.  she was very caught up in 'milestones' and 'percentiles'.

with his previous doc each appointment was spent asking us if he could do certain things.  seriously, she asked us at his 9 month well baby check if he could (and this is a direct quote) 'put a cube in a cup'.  well, he's never really had the cube opportunity that apparently some babies have, but he has no problems putting a cup on his light saber to use it as a distance weapon.  does that count?  at his 15 month (his last with her) she spent the last portion of the appointment making me feel guilty because he was in the 20th percentile for weight.  "are you feeding him enough?"  "do you make sure he eats everything?"  seriously i don't think she has her own kids, because a) you try getting a toddler to eat when he doesn't want to and b) yeah i'm not going to force food down his mouth and give him 'issues' for the rest of his life.  and oh the passive-aggressive fliers.  every appointment was punctuated with a forest of dead trees in the form of the 'what your baby needs to be doing' fliers.  oh how i hated those.

but the worst was the formula.

you see, i had every intention of breast feeding.  i wanted to breast feed.  i NEEDED to breast feed.  i needed that bond, that 'grrrrrrrrrrl' moment of being able to feed my son with nothing but what i came into the world with.  i mean common, i'm so crafty I MAKE FOOD WITH MY BODY!!!! that's how i wanted to be.  but about 7 years ago i got tired of constant back pain, never standing up strait, and migraines.  so i had a breast reduction.  at the time, i had no intention of ever having children, so the 50/50 chance of not being able to breast feed didnt' concern me.  well, long story short, i'm the 50% that makes the successful 50% so awesome.  i felt like a failure.  but i have an incredible husband who held me through the tears and helped me get through it.

then bubby had feeding issues.  first they thought he may be allergic to milk (not so), then they weren't sure, but the soy formula seemed to work.  she finally determined that it was colic, which was what i'd been telling her the entire time.  but at every appointment she would hand us a couple of cans of formula.

it was like a little knife in my heart, punctuating my failure as a mother.

i know she didn't mean it that way.  and to be honest, we were grateful for them.  we never budgeted for formula (intended to breast feed, remember?) and that stuff is expensive. even buying the generic stuff was costing us a couple hundred dollars a month.

so obviously that doctors ideals weren't in line with ours.  so we switched.  we saw Dr Finley at the Bellevue medical center yesterday.  he was wonderful.  great bedside manner, he allayed my fears about a specific medical condition i was very concerned about, and his style seemed very very in line with my parenting philosophy (especially in the area of 'not forcing him to eat' (and according to Dr F, Bubby's weight is just fine)).  he even had someone come in and tell me that he was running late when he wasn't in the room at 2 on the dot.  i was in awe.

and the best part?  no passive-aggressive fliers or cans of formula on the way out.

But im gettng a lot a lot accomplished

It is exactly 376 days until the next Star Wars convention. So of course the exercise/diet plan is in full effect at our house*. There has been lots of baked chicken, bushels of brown rice, and fields of veggies consumed. I've even made from scratch red beans and rice twice, HUGE pots of it.  which is good, because I love the stuff.  And its totally stoking my 'real food' obsession.  so, you know, bonus.  And the hubbs has been out almost every day in the last two weeks at the gym with a friend of ours.

Which is weird.

Not that he's been going to the gym (cause, yay, hotness hubby), but because he's been gone. Every. Day. See, the nature of our entire relationship, we've never spent a lot of time apart. And when i say 'a lot of time' im talking hours. So its a strange thing to be spending so much time apart. Call me co-dependant, but I like spending that much time with him.  Silly me.  (Don't get me wrong, I love love love that he's getting all buff and hot. I don't want him to give it up. Its just a big change.)

So bubby and I have had a lot of time our hands. We've taken long walks (3.5 miles is the current record), watched more Elmo than I think is strictly nessassairy for my own sanity, and done.... stuff.  I've primed the bathroom to get ready to paint, no small feat considering that the bathroom was a dark dark red. I'm pretty sure that im going to be putting up shelves in there. I've moved (again) my studio, and reorganized it. Painted bubbys new toddler bed.  And caught up on laundry mountain. Just basicly doing things by myself for the first time in..... years.

Now, this should be where I say something enlightened like 'we are allowing ourselves to grow as a couple by growing as individuals' or some other pithy crap like that.  and I suppose that could be the case, we very well might. To be honest, probably will.  But right now its just getting used to a whole diffent way of living. Not bad, not good.  Just diffent. 

And this is a good way to ease into next Feb when there is a shift change at work and hubby and I are on different shifts.  So its not so bad.

*if you don't understand why diet and exercise would be ramped up in relation to a Star Wars convention... 'the Princess Leia Spectrum'.  Someone will inevitably wear a costume that is not appropriate for their body type. You do not want to be that person. Pictures will be taken. You will be on the internet. Not in a good way.  I'm all for accepting your body but please people, for the good of us all, if you want to wear a particular costume, make are you can wear a particular costume.