Monday, September 5, 2011

it's not you, it's me

i joined a gym yesterday.  and as i posted on twitter, once i'm under 200 for a week, i'm getting my wrist tattooed.  most likely by Jesse at Nuclear Ink. i went to college with him, and love his artwork.  these two things, along with a facebook comment about me not being ok with myself (ha!) has led me to feel i need to clarify something:

i'm not doing this for you.

i'm not loosing weight because i want you to think i'm hot.  i don't feel the need to fit myself into some ideal that i had no hand in creating.  i don't want to look like a particular person to make you like me more.  i'm already hot, i'm already ideal, and to be frank, i don't need you to like me if my outward appearance is the only thing you base friendship on.

i'm doing this for myself.  i'm selfish about my children.  see, i love them.  and i want to be there for as much of their life as possible.  and i also want them to be in my life for as long as they can.  and the ONE thing i can control in that is weight, both mine and theirs.  so by feeding them good healthy food and giving them a positive role model in exercise, i'm making sure that we stick together.

at over 200 and climbing (as my GYN felt the need to point out last week), i'm not going to be around for as long as i want.  so i'm fixing that.  i'm making better choices.  because it's my choices that got me here.  lets be honest, i make crap food choices.  even when i'm choosing not processed food, i'm eating pretty big quantities of the food i'm eating.  and it's not genetics that's doing this to me.  look at my kids. there both skinny, strong, and neither one of them have an ounce of fat on them if left to their own devices.  so it's not my genes, it's my choices.  so starting now, i'm going to make better choices in both quality/quantity of food and exercise.

and the tattoo is something i've wanted for a while.  it's a prize.  something to commemorate a pretty damn big deal.

not for you.  for me.  


  1. I am very happy that you are doing this for you and not me. I got your back all the way. And I can't wait to see that tattoo :)

  2. Don't do it for me, do it with me. I'm traveling this road to better health too, because I'm selfish about my own time here on momma earth as well as my energy levels. That and my thighs rubbing each other raw when I wear a bathing suit or a skirt? So over that. Like Angela said, I got your back. :)

  3. So right there with you on every word. I've done my little reflection on what we eat in the house, how much we exercise, and its rather pathetic. I need us all to be healthy because I want us all together as long as possible. It just takes the right decisions... I'm not always the best decision maker... but I'm getting there... I'm doing it WITH you too!