its been a year

a year ago today (from right now till nearly 2am) i:

realized that my water broke. really, really slowly.

had a nurse whisper to me to hit a drive thru on the way to the hospital because i was in labor and wouldnt be able to eat till the baby arrived.

picked my daughter up in the middle of the school day.

text messaged people with two words... "it's time"

i freaked out a doc by telling him which vertibre he was pumping the epidural into (thank you yoga)

realized i hated the on call ob more than ive ever hated another person in my life. she threatened me with a c section if i didnt push harder.

my hubby whispered "you can do this" in my ear. fell even more in love with him at that moment.

attempted to kick said ob in the face when she cut me instead of letting me tear. that was against my birth plan and EVERYTHING i told her and the nurses.

decided to never set foot in Methodist Hospital again.

held my sweet boy for the first time. and everything was ok again.

by noon (a year ago tomorrow) i watched my baby girl hold her brother for the first time. and everything was so much better than ok.

it was awesome.

its elemental!

i'm a Libra, with the exception of 1/2 a day last week.  an air sign. i used to revel in my air-ness.  i would scry with incense (which never worked), i dreamt of flying, everything.  and i'm sorry, but i'm just not feeling it lately. I've been feeling a lot more pull to the earth element.  have been since last year, around the time bubby was born.

i'm pretty sure that it's because it's winter.  i've always had trouble with my "witchyness" in winter.  but this year it seems even more so.  it's almost like i'm mourning the loss of growing things.  (bowl of rice in my fridge not withstanding)  there's something about the smell of spring that gets me in into my witchery.  honestly, i think the last communion with the god and goddess that i did, was making a batch of witches brew around thanksgiving.

a lot of it is that since it is cold outside, i have no way to really be IN nature.  it's a little difficult to be in nature when you're worried about frostbite.  and toting around bubby in the cold...  not going to happen.

i'm really hoping that the end of winter will bring me back to my center.  i'd like to see if this pull to earth is for the long term.  cause to be honest, i kinda like it.

you are not special. sorry.

day one, homeless man is "discovered" on a street corner because he has a 'golden voice'.  day two, he's famous, has hundreds of high paying job offers and is loved by millions.  day three, he's been arrested because of a fight in a hotel, and he's checked himself into rehab.

i really REALLY wish i was making this up.  but i'm not.  this actually happened this week.

but you know what?  that's not how real life works.  it isn't. in the real world, people suffer.  they have to work at jobs that they hate, for less money than their worth.  there is not fairy godmother, no prince charming waiting to whisk us away from all this.

you are not special.  you are not a unique little snowflake.  there is nothing that you can do that no one else can do better.  the same goes for me.  the same goes for all of us.

sorry, but it's true.

i feel the need to tell you this because apparently everybody forgot.  or wasn't told in the first place.  because every damn person in the world seems to be obsessed with either becoming famous or with the people that already are famous.  everybody thinks they want, nay, deserve a reality show.  we have people quite literary KILLING to be famous.

when is this going to stop?  i for one am going to do my part to make it stop now.  i'm having a battle right now with Princess.  she doesn't believe she needs to know how to do laundry.  or the dishes.  or how to clean up after herself.  she honestly believes that there will always be someone there to take care of her.  that she's going to have every little problem in her life taken care of by someone else.  and i'm sorry, but to me it's doing her a disservice to the woman i hope that she becomes not to teach her.

if we all teach our children that yes, they are special to US, but they still have to (and i really hate using this term) be contributing members of society...  maybe we can dig ourselves out of this hole we've gotten into

tragedy

Tonight the sirens seem closer. The hurt and injustice of the world sharper.

Why didn't anyone who saw his suicide note on Facebook say or do anything? How did no one notice that he was disturbed?

How did it get so bad that a 17 year old kid decided that the best and only way out was to take a gun into the school and shoot two administers before turning the gun on himself?

And why, tell me WHY no one noticed that something was wrong?

A woman died today. I didn't know her. Never met her. But she was cut down far too soon. And no one can tell me why.

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it's all about balance

i'm not going to say i've got it all figured out.  far-fracking-from it.  but i do have some pretty broad generalizations figured out. and what would the internet be without someone telling you their opinion, right?

in broad terms, for me, it's all about balance.  you can't have dark without light.  there is no pleasure without pain.  and if you don't know what it's like to be sad, you'll never know what it's like to be happy.  i try to keep my life pretty balanced (i am a libra after all).  yes, i have a job that i hate.  but i have an amazing home life.  no, i don't have a lot of money.  but money isn't something that i've ever been really attached to anyway.  yeah, there are a few people that i have in my life that irk the hell out of me.  but there's an equal number that i just can't live without.

as far as i'm concerned, as long as you keep your balance, you can't fall far enough to hurt yourself.