In art, as in life

Ive been cleaning up my sketchbooks lately. Both the big one I use for serious stuff and the little moleskin 'pocket' sketchbok I use as kind of an art journal thingy. (Thingy being a highly technical term, of course)  I've started to notice something about my work.  I do a lot of line drawing. They are simplistic, even cartoonish (I am still a bit rusty after all). But most of what I notice is that i use a lot of negative space.  With my work, its as much about what I don't say as what I do.  To me that negative space is so important, that i dont want to muck it up by doodleing there.

The negative space lets the mind wander.  Lets it wonder.  Lets it think of all the mysterious and beautiful things that could be there.  Removes all limitations, and allows for endless possibilities. It allows the viewer to be an active participant in the art piece. Its as much about the viewer as the artist, each participating equally.

And I see a lot of that in life too.  Its as much what you DONT say or do in life as what you DO.  So let your negative space be your endless possibility. And make it as much about you as the people around you.

Hurry up and wait.

Ive been thinking a lot about homeschooling lately.  Like a lot a lot.  I know that bubby isn't even two yet, but I want to get everything all set up.  I'm that excited.  But I know realisticly that to even start a 'program' its going to be about 4 or 5 years away. Not that I'm even sure that a 'program' is what I want to do.  There's a big appeal to unschooling too.  But again, that's a few years away.

That being said, there are things I want him to know, not because they will be important for college (which I'm ehh on anyway, but that's another post) , but because they are important for life. 

     I want him to know how to plant a garden, to grow his own food. 
     To know when foods are in season, what to eat and when.
     He should know basic medical concepts. How to splint a broken bone and stop bleeding.
     Basic laundry care.  How to use the washing machine and the dryer.  Ideally how to fold laundry (and not just because I hate folding)
     Cooking and cleaning.  He doesn't need to love it, but he needs to know how to do it.  I don't want him to go to college or his first apartment not knowing how to care for himself when he's on his own.
     Home maitnance.  I dont want him to have to run to a plumber or contractor at every little disaster.
     Appreciation for art. I don't care if he never picks up a brush himself, but I'd like him to understand what others can create.
     Kindness. I want him to be nice to the waiter.  ("The person that is nice to you, but is not nice to the waiter is not a nice person" - I don't know who said it, but I love it)
     Other then those things, I just want the basics.  Reading, writing, and maths. 

I know that almost everything on that list I can start teaching him now.  And most likely I will start teaching him those things now.  In a compleetly unstructured 'lets make this fun' type of way. 

Oh wait, that is unschooling.

turns out a little crisis can be cathartic

you all know where i was yesterday, spiritually.  it was kind of an 'on the edge of the abyss'-y place, and quite frankly, a bit scary.  but i did just what i said i was going to do.  got a bottle of wine, lit a fire in the pit in the back yard, and just let everything run its course.  and it was wonderful.  P and i came to an understanding, and F officially stepped into my life.

it was cathartic.

ever since then, it's been like a weight has been lifted.  everything looks, feels, tastes different.  better.  more alive.  this is truly one of the best experiences of my life.  even the little mini basement flood because of the storm last night couldn't bring me down.  hardly any sleep (due to the mopping up), and still cleaned the kitchen almost top to bottom this morning.  i think that's pretty telling (hearth and home remember).

and for the first time in years, i've taken off the pentagram that i've worn every day.  it's been replaced with a smaller simple chain with amber drop beads.  i made it a couple of weeks ago during some mindless crafting as something to keep my hands occupied.

i think that's pretty telling too, don't you?

Im having a little itty bitty crisis of faith

I have always identified myself with Norse gods and Greek godesses.  Always.  I never even really looked into the Norse goddesses, just because I identified so much with the Greek ones.  I first became enamored or Artimes, then later when it was time to choose a patron goddess, Persephonie was the right fit for me.  There was something that was just so right about the love story between her and Hades.
But more and more ive been thinking of Frigg, the Norse mother goddess.  she is the wife of Odin (my patron god) and the patroness of mothers, wives, and homemakers.  And she's been kind of knocking on my door loud and clear of late. For all my posturing of being a 'modern woman' I love being a wife and mother.  I love cooking for my family. I even like sweeping (custom broom) and mopping (shark steam mop, best. invention. evar!!!).  So you can see how shed be right up my alley.  But its not just the hearth and home aspect.  She was also a 'natural magick' proponent. She didn't try to use potions and encantations to change the world, she used her own natural intuition and intelligence to guide her followers.  I kinda love that.  Not to mention that she was also fiercely equal with her husband Odin.  There are just so many aspects of Frigg that I resonate with. 
I don't know if its because ive 'grown as a person' (oh how I hate that phrase) or if my time with P has just run its course.  But with P it was always about the love story.  Every aspect of my relationship with her has related to her love of her husband.  Even the "do what you know is right even when everyone else tells you its wrong" bits.  And to be honest, Frigg kind of covers that too. 
So i think tonight I'll be opening a bottle of wine, lighting a fire, and looking for some answers.  Im pretty sure I'll have an answer by morning.

Wordless wednsday. I would rule the world if given enough chalkboard paint.

you know about the chalkboard table 

but there's also the wall in the Princess' room

and now my herb containers

close up.  i'm thinking of putting some up on etsy.

had to immortalize the first day of Princess at Jr high. 

she'll see it this weekend.  

a tale of two doctors

bubby had his 18 month check up yesterday.  hubby and i (mainly me) decided that this would be a good time to switch doctors.  see, we never really LIKED his previous doc.  don't get me wrong, she was a nice person, very concerned with her patients, and a very very capable doctor.  she just wasn't...  us.  she was very caught up in 'milestones' and 'percentiles'.

with his previous doc each appointment was spent asking us if he could do certain things.  seriously, she asked us at his 9 month well baby check if he could (and this is a direct quote) 'put a cube in a cup'.  well, he's never really had the cube opportunity that apparently some babies have, but he has no problems putting a cup on his light saber to use it as a distance weapon.  does that count?  at his 15 month (his last with her) she spent the last portion of the appointment making me feel guilty because he was in the 20th percentile for weight.  "are you feeding him enough?"  "do you make sure he eats everything?"  seriously i don't think she has her own kids, because a) you try getting a toddler to eat when he doesn't want to and b) yeah i'm not going to force food down his mouth and give him 'issues' for the rest of his life.  and oh the passive-aggressive fliers.  every appointment was punctuated with a forest of dead trees in the form of the 'what your baby needs to be doing' fliers.  oh how i hated those.

but the worst was the formula.

you see, i had every intention of breast feeding.  i wanted to breast feed.  i NEEDED to breast feed.  i needed that bond, that 'grrrrrrrrrrl' moment of being able to feed my son with nothing but what i came into the world with.  i mean common, i'm so crafty I MAKE FOOD WITH MY BODY!!!! that's how i wanted to be.  but about 7 years ago i got tired of constant back pain, never standing up strait, and migraines.  so i had a breast reduction.  at the time, i had no intention of ever having children, so the 50/50 chance of not being able to breast feed didnt' concern me.  well, long story short, i'm the 50% that makes the successful 50% so awesome.  i felt like a failure.  but i have an incredible husband who held me through the tears and helped me get through it.

then bubby had feeding issues.  first they thought he may be allergic to milk (not so), then they weren't sure, but the soy formula seemed to work.  she finally determined that it was colic, which was what i'd been telling her the entire time.  but at every appointment she would hand us a couple of cans of formula.

it was like a little knife in my heart, punctuating my failure as a mother.

i know she didn't mean it that way.  and to be honest, we were grateful for them.  we never budgeted for formula (intended to breast feed, remember?) and that stuff is expensive. even buying the generic stuff was costing us a couple hundred dollars a month.

so obviously that doctors ideals weren't in line with ours.  so we switched.  we saw Dr Finley at the Bellevue medical center yesterday.  he was wonderful.  great bedside manner, he allayed my fears about a specific medical condition i was very concerned about, and his style seemed very very in line with my parenting philosophy (especially in the area of 'not forcing him to eat' (and according to Dr F, Bubby's weight is just fine)).  he even had someone come in and tell me that he was running late when he wasn't in the room at 2 on the dot.  i was in awe.

and the best part?  no passive-aggressive fliers or cans of formula on the way out.

But im gettng a lot a lot accomplished

It is exactly 376 days until the next Star Wars convention. So of course the exercise/diet plan is in full effect at our house*. There has been lots of baked chicken, bushels of brown rice, and fields of veggies consumed. I've even made from scratch red beans and rice twice, HUGE pots of it.  which is good, because I love the stuff.  And its totally stoking my 'real food' obsession.  so, you know, bonus.  And the hubbs has been out almost every day in the last two weeks at the gym with a friend of ours.

Which is weird.

Not that he's been going to the gym (cause, yay, hotness hubby), but because he's been gone. Every. Day. See, the nature of our entire relationship, we've never spent a lot of time apart. And when i say 'a lot of time' im talking hours. So its a strange thing to be spending so much time apart. Call me co-dependant, but I like spending that much time with him.  Silly me.  (Don't get me wrong, I love love love that he's getting all buff and hot. I don't want him to give it up. Its just a big change.)

So bubby and I have had a lot of time our hands. We've taken long walks (3.5 miles is the current record), watched more Elmo than I think is strictly nessassairy for my own sanity, and done.... stuff.  I've primed the bathroom to get ready to paint, no small feat considering that the bathroom was a dark dark red. I'm pretty sure that im going to be putting up shelves in there. I've moved (again) my studio, and reorganized it. Painted bubbys new toddler bed.  And caught up on laundry mountain. Just basicly doing things by myself for the first time in..... years.

Now, this should be where I say something enlightened like 'we are allowing ourselves to grow as a couple by growing as individuals' or some other pithy crap like that.  and I suppose that could be the case, we very well might. To be honest, probably will.  But right now its just getting used to a whole diffent way of living. Not bad, not good.  Just diffent. 

And this is a good way to ease into next Feb when there is a shift change at work and hubby and I are on different shifts.  So its not so bad.

*if you don't understand why diet and exercise would be ramped up in relation to a Star Wars convention... 'the Princess Leia Spectrum'.  Someone will inevitably wear a costume that is not appropriate for their body type. You do not want to be that person. Pictures will be taken. You will be on the internet. Not in a good way.  I'm all for accepting your body but please people, for the good of us all, if you want to wear a particular costume, make are you can wear a particular costume.

things i never thought i'd say until i became a mother

we all have it.  the list of things we never thought would come out of our mouths.  things that were so far fetched that there was no way we'd ever say.  yep.  you know you have one too.  here's mine:

hold on a second, i have to flush your poop.

get your finger out of my nose.

don't hit the cat with the light saber.

no, you cannot have my sniper rifle.  your revolver is right there, use that. (nerf)

the fish do not eat peanut butter!

do we need to change the butt?

poo-splosion!!!!

put that back please (ok, yes, i would probably say that anyway, just not EIGHTY BAJILLION TIMES)

once upon a time, there was a mom, her name was missus taranadon......

that was not nice.  say i'm sorry to the kitty!

get your butt out of my face please.

you already have shoes on.  

why are you licking my leg?

and my personal favorite.....

DON'T TOUCH THE POOP!!!!

i'm a bad pagan

i missed lughnessa this year.  completely passed without celebration.  forgot all about it.  i'm a bad pagan.  i'm the pagan equivalent of the 'christmas and easter' christian.  though i guess that would make me a 'yule and candalmass' pagan.  that has a nice ring to it actually.

I'd like to be a more active pagan.  practicing with someone else would give me the kick in the butt that i need to celebrate all the holidays, not just the major ones.  but i've got two major things going not so much in my favor.  1) i'm not a Wiccan and 2) my pantheon is both Norse and Greek.  so i'm not at home, really, with the heathens, or with the...  well, i forgot what the Greek gods worshippers are called.  i think it starts with a d.  not that they wouldn't make me feel welcome, they would.  but it's still not the same.

my problem is that i get do caught up in my everyday life - laundry, cooking, bubby and hubby, basic running of the household.  did i mention laundry? - that i tend to let my more spiritual side slide.  hells, i haven't been able to keep my yoga practice steady, let alone my spiritual practice.

the weather hasn't exactly helped me out either.  it's been either raining buckets, or so hot and humid that you can't breathe outside, let alone meditate.  so spending a little quality time in nature, to be able to talk to the gods is a little more than difficult.  we've only grilled out once this year, so even the simple act of leaving an offering on the altar just doesn't happen.

i think i can honestly say that the only time in the last three months that i've been able to have any kind of 'spriitual time' is the little bits i get when i'm tidying up the house and when i do the big weekly cleansing of the kitchen.

which in itself is a little weird since my patron goddess is Persephone.  but there's obviously quite a little bit of Hestia in there too.

though, if we're being totally honest here, and since it's just you and me...

i do have kind of a spiritual experience when i'm RPG-ing and when i'm on the xbox.  but that is completely a Norse/Odin-esque 'kill-em-all-let-the-Valkyries-sort-em-out' side of my pantheon.  but then again, i'm playing a double axe wielding dwarf warrior who kicks major butt, so that could just be good role play.  though i suspect it's more than that.

the next major celebration is samhain.  and i WILL be going all out for that one.  i've even got a pintrest folder all set up for it.  what i haven't decided is if i'm just going to decorate and hand out candy, or go full blown party with a circle and bonfire.

i'm kinda leaning that way

My version of the Gratitude Post

For those of you that don't follow @touchstonez (and you should, she's awesome), she does a weekly gratitude post.  I love that idea, but I've never put it into action.  I mean, I'm not exactly the type of person that goes around telling people how greatful I am, even when I am.  Don't get me wrong, I say thank you and all that. But that's not gratitude.  That's just manners.  Its like knowing which fork to use.  But I'm going to give it a shot. 

Here goes:

I'm grateful for my yoga practice, which has been spotty at best lately.  I know I always feel better after I've practiced, but finding time with the toddler of terror has been difficult. I have to admit though, I do love that he wants to mirror what mommy does, makes the belly flop onto mommy worth it.

I'm grateful for my crafty-ness.  It keeps me sane at work.  For example, I've crocheted two wash cloths already today, and haven't strangled a single co worker.  That's not to say I haven't wanted to.  I just didn't do it. 

I'm grateful for my family.  They are wonderful and supportive, and understand my particular brand of crazy. My hubby is there for me when i flutter from one project to another, sometimes helping me move furnature in the process. My parents watch bubby every day while I'm at work and send lots of pictures. My children are wonderful and bring me joy every day. And migranes. But mostly joy.

I'm grateful for coffee.  I love coffee.  I drink lots of it.  Like pots of it a day.  It keeps me awake.

So now you know what I'm grateful for.  I'm sure there is more. 

Im have not, as yet, been abducted by aliens

Just got a little busy with life last week.  I'll have more snark later this week.  Maybe even tomorrow.  Trying to put up a post about budgeting time, but haven't gotten to it yet