I'm writing half of this before my mom goes in to get her heart shocked and half after.  But if everything goes well, it won't seem disjointed.

I'm not worried. Honestly, I'm not.  My mom is fine, and even her doctor says that afib is something that most people don't even ,now they have, and you can live for years and years and not even know something is amis.  They are even taking Bubby with them to the hospital.  Thats how not worried I am. 

But I can tell you that even five years ago I would have been a nervous wreck. I would have been pacing the halls wondering what was going on, what I could do.  But you know what? There's not a damn thing I can do.  At all.  I'm no way can I accomplish any change in outcome for what is going to happen.  So why would I devote that much energy to bashing my head against the ground if it won't change the path?  Its futility.

And it makes me tired.

I have spent so much time in my life imagining worst case scenarios that never come true.   Car accidents, burglars, post apocalyptic radioactive zombies...  OK the last one I actually enjoy, but you get my meaning.   I'm not sure if its because I have a toddler, because I've started meditating, or I've just grown as a person, but I just don't have the inclination or the energy to do that to myself anymore. 

So what's going to happen is going to happen.  Its not within my power to change it.  So I'm not going to worry. 

4 hours later

They didn't shock her heart.  Instead they are going to give her an experimental medicine that will do the same thing but less invasive.  See, nothing to worry about.

Frustration

I'm at a very weird place in the sculpture I'm working on.  Weird as in I've got this perfect but hazy picture in my mind, but I keep changing it up.  I'm making a soft sculpture from wool (mostly) and I'm having a hard time marrying the picture in my head with the picture I'm creating. And I'm only in the very very beginning.

I think a lot of it is that this is my first sculpture like this. Its new territory for me.  So with that comes self doubt. Doubting my abilities. Doubting my skills.  My vision. I'm sure that every artist goes through  the same thing.  Especially when using a new medium.

Or maybe that's what I'm telling myself.

Adventures in Dressing

To keep up with the real food (and totally not because I forgot the bottle of dressing at work), I made salad dressing last night to go with the organic greens we were having. I shopped around on the interwebs and found a couple of recipes that looked good, but i never seemed to have all the ingredients called for.  So I decided to wing it.  I used this recipe as a jumping off point, and came up with this:

Creamy Avocado Garlic Dressing

2 avocados
1/2 c mayo
1/2 c (ish, I just dumped the almost full 8oz carton of) sour cream
2tbl butter milk (I made my own with milk and lemon juice)
3tbl apple cider vinegar (deluded, it was way strong)
1/4tsp basil
1/4tsp oregino
1/2tsp garlic powder

Plop the avocados, mayo, sour cream in the mixer and start her up.  When it starts to combine add the buttermilk and ACV.  When its all smooth, add the herbs and spices.  Put in the fridge till you're ready to use. 

Now I just need to learn to make my own mayo...

Cleaning up my act

I ran out of regular coffee the other day. So I substituted the decaf that Hubby had bought me by mistake. It was good. I had my usual three cups. What I didnt have was my usual icepick headaches. Or a migraine.

It was blissful.

So I'm thinking in addition to the 'real food' thing, I'll be doing a little detoxification.  Not the drink-only-wheatgrass or lemonaid-and-maple-syrup detoxes. (While those do sound......horrifying) I'm going to start by cutting out my main caffeine source.  Then all caffeine, refined sugar, and if I'm up to it, wheat and glutens. Thought I'm not so sure I'm ever going to be ready to give up pasta and bread.  Because I love pasta and bread.  A horrible, soul crushing love.  But if it will help me feel wonderful and be healthy.... worth it.   

You can have my cheese when you pry it from my cold dead hands.

Real food chicken enchiladas

I love chicken enchiladas. Make them all the time.  Here's my recipe for real food enchiladas that taste amazing. And since I found the recipe for my own sauce from Gimme Some Oven, there even better. 

Real food Chicken Enchilada

Here is the link for the sauce. http://www.gimmesomeoven.com/red-enchilada-sauce/

For the enchiladas proper you'll need:
3lb bag of chicken breasts or a rotisserie chicken (I've used both)
large block of cheese
3 cups cooked brown rice
cup sour cream
8 tortillas

If you're using frozen chicken breasts cook them at 350 for about 20-30 or till there done. While you're doing that, shrewd the cheese (don't use per shredded cheese. They add totally gross stuff to it to keep it from clumping. An extra 5minutes of work, and less chemical grossness in your body) Either way, with the cooked chicken shrewd it up (debone first if you are using rotisserie).

Mix up the shredded chicken, rice, sour cream, a handful of cheese, and a quarter cup of the sauce.  Evenly spoon a bit of the mix into a tortilla and wrap it up, put it into a baking dish.  Once there all wrapped, pour the sauce over the enchiladas and top with cheese.  Bake for 20 at 350.