Of pounds and prizes

Since I posted my last rant about weight loss, I'm down 6pounds.  (Most days)  not exactly the numbers that i was hoping for, but then again, I'm not exactly putting in a herculean effort into it.  Its all been about getting into a good routine at the gym.  And I think I've done that.  I got 3 or 4 times a week, working out a different zone each time.  (Upper, core, lower)  I even went and had the "free one time" personal training session that the gym offered when i signed up.  Yes, I know that they only offer a free one to get you to buy a package, but I explained to her right away that i was NOT going to do that, and she was awesome.  She helped me figure out where I was, where I needed to be, and gave me a rough plan on how to get there and how long it will take to get there. Never tried to pressure me into buying something.
And yes, 99% of loosing weight is diet.  I know that.  Did it stop me from eating 1/2 a carton if Phish Food? Nope.  But it did stop me from eating the WHOLE carton, and I think that's a kind of progress, don't you?
So I'm putting together a little list of what I'm going to get for myself at every 10 pounds I loose that i keep off for a week.  These are things that im interested in, that i want, but wouldn't normally get, either because of budget or because I talk myself out of it as frivilous.  I love the word frivilous, don't you? Its like "not only is it silly, its so far beyond silly, that it has its own name".  But I digress.  These are things that i just wouldn't normally get myself.
Oh, and I'm kinda telling you exactly where I'm at now, which I thought long and hard about whether I was going to share with you or no.   But f Im going to do this publicly, I might as well go whole hog. Pun very much intended.  Here goes. 
Once I'm under:
220 - bare minerals make up
210 - lace weight yarn to make a shawl/scarf
200 - tattoo
190 - $50 gift card to amazon.com
180 - buy something, anything, from the Museum Replicas catalog
170 - membership to the zoo
160 - bamboo dpn's in every size
150 - $100 shopping spree at Hobby Lobby
So who's with me?

it's not you, it's me

i joined a gym yesterday.  and as i posted on twitter, once i'm under 200 for a week, i'm getting my wrist tattooed.  most likely by Jesse at Nuclear Ink. i went to college with him, and love his artwork.  these two things, along with a facebook comment about me not being ok with myself (ha!) has led me to feel i need to clarify something:

i'm not doing this for you.

i'm not loosing weight because i want you to think i'm hot.  i don't feel the need to fit myself into some ideal that i had no hand in creating.  i don't want to look like a particular person to make you like me more.  i'm already hot, i'm already ideal, and to be frank, i don't need you to like me if my outward appearance is the only thing you base friendship on.

i'm doing this for myself.  i'm selfish about my children.  see, i love them.  and i want to be there for as much of their life as possible.  and i also want them to be in my life for as long as they can.  and the ONE thing i can control in that is weight, both mine and theirs.  so by feeding them good healthy food and giving them a positive role model in exercise, i'm making sure that we stick together.

at over 200 and climbing (as my GYN felt the need to point out last week), i'm not going to be around for as long as i want.  so i'm fixing that.  i'm making better choices.  because it's my choices that got me here.  lets be honest, i make crap food choices.  even when i'm choosing not processed food, i'm eating pretty big quantities of the food i'm eating.  and it's not genetics that's doing this to me.  look at my kids. there both skinny, strong, and neither one of them have an ounce of fat on them if left to their own devices.  so it's not my genes, it's my choices.  so starting now, i'm going to make better choices in both quality/quantity of food and exercise.

and the tattoo is something i've wanted for a while.  it's a prize.  something to commemorate a pretty damn big deal.

not for you.  for me.